


The God at the Top of the Mountain

by AllThisAndLoveTooWillRuinUs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, M/M, Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Minor Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Mutual Pining, Pining, Revolution, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, i'm allowed to have homophobia in my fantasy au bc i'm gay and coping, it's socialism baby, like a shit ton of pining, princess academy by shannon hale aesthetic, the mountain is a metaphor for socio-economic class
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 09:37:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 32,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19743010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllThisAndLoveTooWillRuinUs/pseuds/AllThisAndLoveTooWillRuinUs
Summary: In a kingdom built on a mountain, Remus & Lily journey as far up as they can. They meet a mysterious boy named Sirius, get caught in a revolution, and learn how not to be hopeless.or, in the words of my beta, "country boy aka remus is coerced by lily to travel to a metaphorical new york. there is a rebellion. everyone is dumb about feelings"





	1. Terram: A Town the Size of a Toenail

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was a labor of over a year, and would not have happened without @ThatHydrokinetic listening to me ramble and having opinions and being the best beta and best friend i could ask for. i hope y'all like it!

Remus lived at the bottom of the mountain. 

Remus lived with the tall grass and the dirt paths and the holes in roofs and lazy river bends. Everything was easy on the eyes—by which I don't mean it was pretty, but that nothing was too bright, nothing so complex or beautiful it made your head hurt. Everything was simply soft and mundane and _easy_. Remus wouldn't quite call it lovely, but he did sort of love it. This is where Remus had lived for as long as he could remember.

He'd been told that he didn't, once, when he was very very young. His father used to work for the queen, at the top of Mount Stellae, but when the accident happened, they had to move to the bottom, to better raise the wolf-bitten child. There are bigger woods at the bottom of the mountain, better for transformations.

Or perhaps the good Mr. Lupin was just too ashamed to continue on with his life after the accident. Sometimes, to Remus, it seemed so. 

But he tried not to think of such things. As his mother always said, he was young, and thinking was no better for the young than drinking after the pigs.

So he kept himself busy with things his mother would consider healthy for a young man. Afternoons with friends, for example. Sure, he really only had one friend, but a mother can only expect so much.

“We've got to get up there,” Lily said, stretched out on the grass beside the river Terram. The 'there’ she spoke of was the mountain. Up. How far? As far as they could get. This was a common conversation.

“No woods up there,” said Remus, from his patch of grass beside her. “No rivers.”

“What do you need rivers for? They have wells and things, you know.”

“There's no space for farmland, how are we supposed to make money?”

“You're smart, you've read more books than the whole village could carry. You know more than Old Woman Rani. You could teach one of their schoolhouses.” Lily had taken her eyes off the mountain peak and was searing them into Remus, like she knew how sharp her gaze was.

The most important part of Lily is her eyes. Anyone in town could tell you this. The eyes of Lily Evans are important for three reasons:

One, they are bright green, unheard of in the tiny low town of Terram. They are, in fact, so bright that they felt like a spotlight, like her very gaze was a knife to your throat, and every move was important. Some people liked the adrenaline of it. This, combined with her bright red hair and smattering of freckles, made her quite the sight. There wasn't a boy or girl in town who hadn't asked her to dance at one festival or another. And although she'd never been one to go steady, she'd danced with them all.

This was because of point two: those eyes saw the good in everyone. Even mean little boys like Severus Snape, and her own horrid sister Petunia. This is why she thought so highly of Remus—she thought highly of everyone. If she thought he could be a school teacher, surely she thought Gideon Prewett could capture the moon.

But the third and most important thing about Lily Evan's eyes was that they were far too big for her stomach. Not in the traditional sense of the phrase (there was no money for gluttony at the bottom of the mountain,) but that she wanted great things, grand adventures and emotions, and her only means were a small low town midwife's pay and little garden by her front door. 

Lily had never dated any of the town boys or girls because she was sure as winter's come that someday she'd fall madly in love. She never spent more than 5 coins on a dress because none of them made her feel like Cinderella, that old children's tale. And she never called her little cottage a home because she swore one day she'd make it up the mountain.

“I hear,” she'd say each time, her voice building, “that at the very top, if you just look up, you can see God.”

Remus always laughed at that. “If we could see God, why would we need a queen?” 

Lily would just ignore him and keep talking of the many various rumours about the top of Mount Stellae. They both knew that it wasn't about seeing God; it was about seeing _something._

  


Nothing ever came of it until Remus’ mom died. It seemed her minor cold turned deadly quicker than a hound in an open field. Nearly the moment she passed, Remus realized she had been the only thing worth staying for. His father hadn't looked him in the eyes in years. Not that he’d ever been much of a father anyhow. 

The morning after her burial, Remus showed up at Lily's door with his things in a sack. She just smiled and turned to pack. 

  


They were lucky the traders were in town that day, and that they were in a good enough mood to let them climb into the back of one of their wagons for only few coins each. Lily had been saving her whole life for this, and Remus—well, he'd never had much to spend money on, had he? No sweetheart to buy gifts and ribbons for on holidays, and he certainly wasn't the sort to spend money on himself. Between the two of them, they had just enough coins. The traders said they could ride until there wasn't room for them or until the horses got tired. 

They huddled up under a blanket in the late September air, making themselves as small as they possibly could. 

Lily whispered in his ear, “I can't believe we're finally doing it.” Her voice shook a bit, like the back of a wagon full of honey was the most terrifying place she'd ever been. Perhaps it was. 

Remus allowed himself to get caught up in the excitement, laughing softly. “Look out Stellae, here come two nerds in a blanket.”

There was a boy under his own blanket in the corner, curled up on his side, sleeping until they went over a large rock that woke him up. His eyes opened with a start, and it seemed to take a few moments for him to remember where he was. His eyes darted wildly around before stopping on Remus and Lily, huddled under their own blanket. 

Remus watched him wipe the sleep from his eyes and slowly sit up and stretch. The boy was burned as if his skin wasn't used to sun. At first the thought seemed ridiculous to Remus; everyone and their nephew down in Terram worked in the fields. Remus himself had more freckles than a Weasley had cousins. But then he realized—these traders went as far as halfway up the mountain, sometimes further. There was no telling where this boy was from. 

“Where are _you_ from?” The other boy was the one to ask, not Remus, and he seemed a bit offended. Perhaps at having to share his wagon space, perhaps at the way he was very obviously being stared at. 

Lily seemed very eager to start off her adventure up the mountain with a conversation, and there was a partner no better than a strange traveling companion. “We're from Terram. I'm Lily, and this is Remus. Where are you from?”

“Oh, um. The same.”

Lily squinted her eyes into little green daggers. “You can't be from Terram, it's smaller than a babe’s toenail. We'd know you, for sure.”

The boy turned even redder than before, but in a different sort of way. “Well see that's just the joke. It's very funny. Normally you'd be laughing by now.”

“Okay sure, my apologies, but where are you from though?”

The boy looked around the wagon blinking, pretending to be surprised by the question. “Well this wagon, I suppose.”

Lily stared back, incredulous. “Well surely you can at least tell us your name.”

The boy smiled something crooked and light and lovely and dark. It was arrogant in a way Remus had never been witness to, and he couldn’t decide if he liked it or not. “It's Sirius.”

“Sirius? Sirius What?”

“Just Sirius.”

Lily muttered some swears under her breath and burrowed herself into their blanket. Remus was trying to hold back a laugh. When Sirius saw his smile, and the way he was biting his lips and his shoulders were shaking, he beamed, clearly very proud of himself.

Sirius was a rather aristocratic name, Remus knew. Most commonly used by mayor’s sons and dukes and duchesses. If he remembered right, even the eldest prince bore the name. But Remus opted not to tell Lily this; it would only get her all too excited and she'd never leave the poor boy alone.

He was about their age, but looked strikingly different. His eyes were grey, in a sharp sort of way that reminded Remus of Lily's infamous gaze. His hair was long for a man, slipping past his shoulders, and black as coal. There was not a freckle or blemish of any sort on his face, save for the aforementioned sunburn and a tiny scar just by his jawline, a perpendicular line to his upturned nose.

“So, Remus,” Sirius continued, looking at Remus like they were in on some sort of secret together, grin too wide to be polite, “why’d you finally leave toenail town?”

Remus shrugged, silently urging himself not to be awkward like he had always been with the village boys. This was a fresh start, he'd be wasteful not to at least try for some confidence. “I'm off to overthrow the queen.”

Sirius laughed longer than Remus had expected, clutching his sides by the end of it. “Well if you need an army, sign me up.”

Remus knew, he _knew_ this was a joke, but something in the way he said it rang true and it startled Remus. Nobody really had any political opinions in Terram; there wasn't much use to it. To hear someone speak against the queen - well, it was a first. 

Sirius didn't seem to notice his discomfort. “Really though, why'd you leave?”

Remus paused for a moment, wondering if it was better to tell him or to make another joke. In the end he averted his eyes and said to the sky, “My ma died.”

Sirius went quiet, his grin slipping off his face. “I'm sorry. I imagine you were close.”

Lily still had her head buried in the blanket, but there was no way she couldn't hear them. Apparently this was one of the few conversations she didn't want to interrupt. 

Remus just nodded, looking up and pretending they were discussing lunch preferences. “Yeah. What about you? Why aren't you back home?”

Sirius, too, seemed to have to consider his answer. “I got kicked out,” he said finally. “There wasn't much choice to it.”

Remus understood the basic concept of being kicked out—he'd read books, heard stories—but he couldn't imagine it in practice. Sure, his father had all but ignored his presence for the majority of his life post-accident, but there was no universe in which Remus’ pa would have stopped providing for him.

But that was Sirius’ universe. 

At this point, Lily could no longer stand to be silent, so she unborrowed herself and told Sirius how sorry she was, and how much his parents must suck. After that, the three of them couldn’t stop talking. Sirius heard all about the two of them and their tiny town of Terram and their grand plan to get as high up the mountain as they could. Remus and Lily heard all about Sirius being kicked out of his home (a home which he refused to talk about) by his god-awful mother and how he'd only made it by picking up work with the traveling merchants, hauling things on and off carts. He wasn't very strong, but two hands always did more good than harm. 

“It's lonely though,” he said. “You'd think it wouldn't be—there's at least a dozen men around my age traveling with us, but they've all grown up together. The things they joke about, the stories they tell, it might as well be another language to me.”

“Well, you're welcome to learn ours,” said Lily, and then she braided Sirius’ hair and he braided hers and from that moment on they were friends. 

It was a bit harder with Remus and Sirius. It seemed the moment Lily left, whether she'd fallen asleep in the wagon or they were at a stop and she'd stepped away, the air disappeared. 

The first time the wagons stopped, it was in another low village named Petram. Lily was immediately whisked off by the village girls, who wanted to show her everything and hear her stories, leaving Sirius and Remus to themselves.

“So what would you like to do?” Sirius asked, with his hands shoved in his pockets, speaking more to the skyline than Remus’ face.

“It's up to you. You know more about new villages.”

“It's your first time somewhere new.”

“I want to see whatever you want to see.”

“Well, I want to see what you want to see what you want to see so what do you want to see?”

Finally, Remus exhaled a laugh, “Why don't we just walk and see what we find?”

So they walked. It was cold, newly October, and their breath made fog like they were dragons. 

Sirius gathered up leaves from the side of the dirt paths and sprinkled them in Remus’ hair. Remus grabbed some and shoved them down his shirt. Sirius laughed without real sound, and smiled in a way that looked like it hurt. Remus focused so intently on trying to come off confident, like he knew what he was doing, making sure Sirius liked him, the whole thing giving him a headache. Words were too big a risk, too easy to say the wrong ones. He couldn't even figure the reason why this was so important, but he was consumed by it. 

Sirius, for his part, also seemed to be trying all too hard not to be awkward. It came easy to him with Lily, who he was growing to know more and more, and knew he could always say the wrong thing with the faith that she'd forgive and forget by next sundown. But Remus was a mystery, and one that felt too precious to make a wrong move around. 

They were lucky to find a hayfield on the edge of town. There were no owners in sight and it felt only natural to climb up the bales of hay and watch the sun begin to set. Sirius laid on one hay bale, his back arching like the edge of the sun. Remus laid his head on Sirius’ stomach, perpendicular to him, legs hanging off the edge of the hay bale. This, for some reason, was much easier than talking.

Remus didn't have much of a view of Sirius from where he was, which was a relief. The thought occurred to him that if he could see Sirius, he might forget to look at the sunset. 

Sirius did not look at all like a sunset; more like a night sky, which was fitting to his name. His skin was barely a few shades darker than the color of the moon, and his high arching brows had the curve of it. His hair was the same inky black as the void, his eyes on you felt the exact same as the realization that you cannot count the stars in the sky, and his fingertips on your shoulder did the same thing to your stomach as finding your favorite constellation, the exact same comforting twist of excitement within familiarity. 

Remus was so lost in thought, he'd nearly forgotten where he was until Sirius threaded his fingers into Remus’ hair. Remus felt his heart jump into his throat but swallowed it back down, begging himself to be calm. This was something Sirius and Lily did, a friendly sign of affection. There was no reason to make a thing of it. 

Sirius hummed softly to himself, so quiet Remus felt it more than heard it. Then he lifted his hand, lazily, with his elbow still resting on the hay bale, and pointed at the horizon. 

“That,” he said, “right there, where the gold and the orangish meet? That's my favorite color.”

Remus nodded his approval. It was a pretty color, and oddly fitting for Sirius in its boldness. It was the color of someone brave. Remus thought of what he'd give to have a heart that color.

He rolled over, repositions himself so that he's on top of Sirius, face to face.

“That,” he said to Sirius’ startled face. “The exact grey of your eyes. That's mine.”

Sirius breathed in, and he swallowed, and his eyes moved frantically across Remus’ face, nervous and not quite sure what was happening. His face was turning red again and his breathing was getting shallow. All at once, Remus realized how odd this was, and how it looked. He rolled off before Sirius could see his own cheeks turn red.

He tried to smile and not kick himself and pretend nothing was weird as he told Sirius they'd best be going, it wouldn't do to walk back in the dark.

As they walked, Remus got lost again in his thoughts, which mostly consisted of profanities directed inwards. He barely noticed the tall dark-skinned boy walking by, but he did, in fact, notice. 

The tall boy smiled and winked, but whether it was at Remus or Sirius, he couldn't quite tell. Once he'd past and was decidedly out of earshot, Sirius leaned over and said, “Well he was cute, wasn't he?”

Remus supposed he was. He had been half hoping that wink had been for him, after all, even if nothing came of it. Remus had never been one to think much of romance, or who he liked. Not much use to to it, seeing as nobody would want to settle down with a werewolf. He'd always had a sneaking suspicion though, that if he'd had his choice of the crowd, he wasn't likely to land on a girl. Maybe this was Sirius’ way of saying he was okay with that. Or maybe even his way of saying he felt the same. It seemed unreal, but the possibility was there. He simply nodded and let the issue go.

Before they rounded the last turn to reach the center of town and the trading wagons again, Sirius let his hand brush against Remus’. Brush is an understatement, maybe. For the briefest of moments, their fingers tangled together and stayed that way. 

Then they turned the corner and they fell apart as if nothing happened. Lily, who had been shown the town and brought back to the center for dancing, looked happy to see them and introduced them to all her new friends. 

It was a lovely night, and with all the names and faces and dancing and general hubbub, plus the excitement of his first new town of a surely long list of places he'd visit, Remus almost forgot about the oddness of his evening with Sirius. At times, it felt like he had, but it was there, ever present in the back of his mind, like the sky in your peripheral.

By the time he crawled into the wagon and collapsed from the exhaustion of the day, he'd realized there was no sense to make of it and officially resigned himself to just pretending it didn't happen and moving on.

  


Technically, Remus and Lily were subject to chores for the traders. Inventory, loading and unloading, helping steer the mules, stuff like that. The traders much preferred to call on Sirius, though. Maybe it was the nature of his deal with them, or the fact that he'd been there longer, or maybe they just felt he could benefit from the manual labor. They weren't wrong. More and more, Sirius began to look less like a posh sort of doll and more like a real person, with muscles and scratches and tan lines.

On one of these days when Sirius was called out to steer the oxen, (a particularly rare occurrence, because he was very bad at this,) Remus and Lily enjoyed some time in the wagon to themselves, talking of old times and grand plans. 

“I don't think this trading group goes much beyond Altiorem,” said Lily. “From there we might have to walk, unless we think it's worth staying in, but I think we should keep going as far as we can. When we do get off, we should ask Sirius if he'd like to come with us. I know he'll probably say he has no marketable skills but really—”

“What do you think of him?” Remus asked with a start.

Lily froze in her confusion. “Who?”

“Sirius.”

“You know him as well as I do.”

“Yes, but you have a better sense of people. You always have.”

“Well,” Lily said, “obviously he's my friend, so I like him.”

“Go on.”

“I think he's been very lonely for a long time, which is why it's surprising how funny and kind he is. He's definitely hiding something, but you knew that. I think he likes you more than he lets on. He also likes the work more than he lets on. He likes feeling capable and helpful. He's a sweet lad. Why do you ask?”

“Just wondering,” said Remus, trying his best, as always when it came to Sirius, to sound casual. “I was having a hard time figuring him out.”

“People aren't puzzles for you to figure out, Remus.”

“Sirius is a puzzle of a man if I ever met one. Don't try to deny it, we don't even know his last name.”

“You should know better than anyone,” Lily smiled, “that there's more to you than what you came from. Who your parents are or what happened to you in the past. It's not as though you've told him everything about you, hm? He probably thinks you're quite the puzzle too.”

For some reason, this simply hadn't occurred to Remus, that he too kept secrets. It didn't stop his curiosity, but it did remind him that he wasn't entitled to answers. It was an odd thing, to live with half a picture and be okay with that. But, he supposed, we always did. At least with Sirius, he knew the picture was incomplete. 

  
  
Stops became routine soon after that as they made their way slowly up the mountain and towns grew closer together. It seemed every other day they stopped and were thrown into a bustle of newness. The names started to blur together. Remus was acutely aware of his desensitivity to the adventure of it. Oddly enough, he welcomed the transition. He wasn't Lily, he hadn't wanted excitement at every turn. He wasn't quite sure what he _did_ want, but he was growing to like this life, the movement, the honey tongues, the sharp eyes on bumpy nights.


	2. Constratus: The Witch's Hut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is only one bed, we go on an adventure in the woods, questions about the queen are asked, and the moon is full.

Constratus was the first town they stayed in for several days. It was also, luckily, the town in which they'd be staying for the first full moon since Remus’ mother died. 

Lily had been keeping a close eye on the moon to ensure that this would be the case. Constratus was known for being in a flat area of the mountain, with woods on the outskirts. They were smaller than the ones in Terram, but they'd make them work somehow. How full moons were going to work in the future was a mystery, as they were completely reliant on getting lucky with a safe place for the wolf. 

Remus always tried to remind Lily that it was not, in fact, her personal responsibility to find accommodations for the wolf. That was entirely up to him. Lily did not agree.

“Remus,” she said when he brushed off her concerns about the full moon, assuring her he'd figure it out himself, “who is it you live with?”

“Well, live is a strong term for sleeping in the back of a trading wagon, but technically, you and Sirius.”

“And who do you eat meals with?”

“You & Sirius,”

“And who bandaged my leg when I fell in those thistles a few days ago?”

“That was me.”

“That's right,” she said, “you know what that makes us? Family. So yes, it absolutely is my concern and no you will not ‘handle it yourself.’”

The only trouble was, Sirius filled most of those qualifications as well, and if he was not family, he was an extremely close neighbor, or an aunt unrelated by blood or something of the sort. It wasn't quite that they spent every waking moment of the day together, but they hadn't much cause to be apart. This made keeping the wolf a secret very difficult.

The first night they were in town was not the first night of the full, so Lily took the two boys to the town bar and moved about the room, speaking to everyone she could. 

Remus knew she was mainly asking around for information on the woods, or anything else that might be of use to him, but the conversation kept getting redirected.

“What can you tell me about the woods around here?” she asked a pretty young woman named Alice.

Alice leaned in, suddenly wide awake and staring at the three intently. “That depends…who sent you?”

“Nobody, nobody sent us, we were just wondering. We're loggers, see.” Lily ignored a curious look from Sirius, who had no explanation as to her intent interest in the woods nor her reason to lie about it.

Alice, for her part, looked alarmed. “Right...well, I don't know anything about these woods, my apologies, you folk have a nice night.” She rose from her seat less than halfway through her sentence and by the end of it had darted away to the corner where the man she called her boyfriend, Frank, stood. They whispered to each other and glanced over at our party warily.

Lily seemed disappointed on multiple levels, from the dead end in the woods enquiry to the unfortunate existence of the lovely Alice's boyfriend to the general malcontent that came from being obviously and inexplicably mistrusted. She put on a brave face and kept her course, though, with Remus and Sirius trailing behind.

Finally when she found an old woman in the corner who reminded Remus of Old Woman Rani (perhaps there was one in every town), she asked the question she'd been edging toward all night.

“This is such a big town,” Lily let her low town accent thicken, perhaps to seem endearing or inconspicuous, “how do you folk even fit everyone? Do some of you have to live out in the woods?”

Old Woman Not-Rani shook her head. “Nobody lives in our woods, unless you count the old witch!” Here she laughed, wrinkles and crinkly eyes and missing teeth and everything. It was rather sweet, even Remus had to admit. 

Something lit up behind Lily's eyes. “A witch? Where can we find her?”

The old woman laughed again, “She's long dead, dear. Long, long dead. She used to live in a little cottage in these woods, but she's been gone even since I was a child. We used to dare each other to go out and find the cottage and see who could get closest to the door. I always lost, but perhaps that's why I'm the oldest in the village, hm?” She laughed again, quieter this time, with her mouth still closed.

“I see,” said Lily, who, admittedly, did see. She saw the old woman's pain quite well, but she also saw the scars up Remus’ arms and neck and knew she had to keep pushing. “And where might one find the witch's hut?”

The old woman looked at her and took a sip from her glass, “You fancy a game of chicken then, do you?”

_ More like a game of wolf,  _ thought Remus, who knew Lily would be rolling her eyes at him had he said that out loud.

“Something of the sort,” Lily said. “Will you help us?”

The woman sighed. “If you head south from this bar til you find the river, follow it to the place where you'll feel cold all a sudden, then head east, you should find it right beyond the willow tree.”

Remus tried not to comment on the fact that willows didn't grow in forests, reminding himself that this was an old witch’s hut they were speaking of. He had never met a witch before; he'd been told they had mostly died out. It seemed unfair that the only magic that remained in the world was left to those who could not control it.

Lily thanked the old woman for her time and left her to her drink, tugging the boys outside. 

“Did you hear that? A little abandoned cabin in the woods! That'll be perfect for—” Lily saw Sirius’ confused look and remembered, quite suddenly, all that he did not know, “for exploring. You'll help me find it tomorrow morning?” 

Sirius still had a look like he knew a piece was missing, but he nodded anyway. “Sure, why not? But you know, if you're that anxious to meet a witch, you're welcome to meet my mother anytime.”

Remus got very excited for a moment before realizing 'witch’ probably had a slightly different connotation for Sirius. 

“Bit soon to be meeting the parents, isn't it?” Remus kept a straight face. “Normally Lily and I like to date a person for at least three months before things get serious.”

“Yeah well you know how it is with me, I'm always Sirius.”

Remus let out a long string of curses, followed by a muttered, “Can't even blame him, walked right into that one.”

Sirius slung his arm around Remus and kissed his cheek, leaving him bright red. “Well, it's getting dark out, I'd say it's time for the three of us to head to bed, what do you say, darling?”

Remus would be damned if he let Sirius win this. “Sounds good to me, sweet pea! Lily love, are you ready to go?”

Lily rolled her eyes and started walking in the direction of the inn, telling them to find her in the morning. 

The traders had needed every wagon to properly display their merchandise in full, so the inn was packed to the brim with the traders and their families. Lily was to share a room with two daughters of some of the traders, a few years younger. Remus and Sirius were to share a one-bed room.

“Honey bunches, do you know where my waterskin has gone to?” Sirius shouted from across the very small room, from his place with his things sprawled out on the bed.

“You left it in in your rucksack, my silver eyed dove.” Remus was determined to one up the pet names at every opportunity.

Sirius pulled the waterskin out with a smile. “Ah! Thank the heavens for my astute lover, without whom I would surely die of thirst.”

“Thirsty is right.”

Sirius made a mock offended face, before wrestling a laughing Remus onto the bed and tickling him. 

“That's what you get,” Sirius laughed out, eyes with an odd sort of look. He paused, then continued, “I'd never seen you laugh before.”

“What are you talking about? We've been traveling together for weeks, of course you've seen me laugh.”

“Not like that, not with your mouth open and your eyes crinkling and looking like you're really happy. It—” Sirius paused above him. “It’s nice. It's a nice laugh. I like it.”

They were too close, Remus realized, and he was oddly taken back to their first stop in Petram, on the hay bales. The only difference was this time, it was Sirius tensely hovering over Remus. Also, now they were about to share a bed. In fact, they were currently on the bed they would be sharing immediately after this. That did add an extra layer of panic to the matter. 

Remus did some quick mental math as to what would make it seem as though he still had some semblance of control over the situation. Before he could lose his nerve, he smiled and kissed Sirius on the nose, using his momentary shock to slip out from under him with dignity. “Nice try, but you're not getting me into bed without buying me dinner.”

Sirius, who was bright, bright red and now sitting criss cross on the bed watching Remus going through his things across the room, tried his best to save some face. “Well, technically, you're getting into bed with me tonight either way, but not the dirty way you're imagining.”

“Nothing dirty about sex, Sirius.” Remus grins dangerously wide, all of it just for the sake of getting Sirius to blush more. And to make sure he was winning whatever bizarre game they were playing. 

For an awful moment, Remus thought Sirius was going to say something terrible and earth shattering like “prove it”, but he just sighed with exaggerated exasperation and crawled under the covers with his back to Remus, apparently turning in for the night. 

Remus crawled in beside him shortly thereafter. He had previously thought Sirius asleep, but once Remus was under the covers, Sirius turned on his other side, eyes still closed, and wrapped his arms around Remus’ stomach, laying his head in Remus’ shoulder.

“'s cold,” he mumbled into Remus’ shoulder. “D’you mind?”

Remus found that the only response to that he was physically capable of was to rest his head atop Sirius’ and mutter softly, “Not at all” before drifting off to sleep.

  
  


Remus woke to Lily swinging the door open and bounding into the room, talking a mile a minute.

“Alright, let's get some breakfast and get going, I know the directions were fairly simple but we don't know how far any of the stretches are and it could take us all day so we ought to—” Lily noticed the way Remus and Sirius were still tangled and curled into each other under the heavy blanket. She blinked and moved on.“So I suppose I'll leave the two of you to get dressed, I thought you'd at least be out of bed by now but no matter, I'll see you downstairs for breakfast in 10 minutes.” And with that, she rushed out the door in a flash of red hair. 

Remus Lupin had certainly never gotten ready in less than 10 minutes, and he knew for a fact that Sirius hadn't either. Sirius could take up to half an hour solely on getting his hair just right. 

Sirius pushed himself off the bed slowly with a sleepy sort of eyes-heavy smile before crossing the room to get dressed, apparently not at all shaken.

_ Why would he be?  _ Remus thought to himself.  _ Nothing weird happened last night, you just feel weird because you're not used to having friends. _

A harsh thought, but oddly comforting nonetheless, that maybe this was all normal.

Neither of them were ready in 10 minutes, but they were in 15, which was impressive for both and an all out record for Sirius.

When Lily found them, she already had food on a plate to shove at them. 

“Eat fast. We move out in 20 minutes.”

“Lily,” Remus drew out the “i”, eyes big, “there's really no need to be so...enthusiastic.”

Lily gave him one of her sharpest looks, the look a mother gives a child that means  _ “we've talked about this” _ . Out loud, she said, “Well, I apologise for wanting a little adventure in my life”, told them they had 9 minutes left, and dropped the subject.

  
  


The woods south of the bar were tense. Lily had a tendency to overcompensate when she expected people to be disgruntled by endlessly enquiring to the state of those around her, making awful jokes, and saying “Isn’t this nice?” as often as possible. Sirius had a tendency to go quiet when he felt unwanted, like if, for example, he thought two of his friends were keeping secrets from him. So everytime Lily asked him how he was doing, he said “fine” and smiled in the way that suggested the corners of the mouth were boulders. Remus had a tendency to fidget when he felt guilty, meaning any time someone made any sort of effort for his well being. So naturally he spent the whole time tugging on the curly ends of his hair and shaking his left hand as if trying to dry water off it. Sirius watched him anxiously, wondering what was wrong. Lily watched Sirius anxiously, wondering if he was suspicious. Remus watched Lily anxiously, wishing she were someone much more selfish. 

It was a relief when they reached the river, and Lily made everyone jump in even though the water was freezing. Lily and Sirius raced each other from one big rock to another, far down the riverbank, while Remus stayed behind to smirk at them and laugh about silly competitive pride. Lily won, of course; she always did, and Sirius’ mysterious past had very clearly not involved great physical activity. When Sirius reached her she was sitting up on the rock catching her breath. 

“You cheated,” he said with a smile that was not at all bitter.

“At swimming?”

  
“Yes, you summoned a mermaid to come and pull you along.”

“You don’t even believe in mermaids.”

“Well that’s probably why none came to help me.”

Lily laughed up at the bit of sky she could see above the trees. She could see Remus along the bank, but he was far away and appeared the size of a pixie. Sirius acted as if his disbelief in such things was obvious, like no man of common sense gave magical beings even a second thought. Remus said that was a high folks thing, certainly because magical beings had never liked to be towards the top of the mountain. Too many eyes and angry hearts, not enough free space. In low towns, everybody knew about magics. Sure, they were bedtime stories, but that made them no less true. And if she had any reason to doubt, Remus was the living proof, the magic she’d known all growing up. The whole town knew about the wolf, but for some reason, Remus hadn’t told Sirius about it yet. 

It was Remus’ decision really, and Lily could understand it, she supposed, in a distant sort of way. It must be a hard thing to bring up, especially to someone who doesn’t even believe in the existence of werewolves. She was sure Sirius would understand, but it wasn’t her call to make, so she stayed quiet.

“So,” Sirius said, his voice shaking her from her thoughts, “I didn’t know you were so keen on finding old witch huts.”

“It’s more about the adventure, really.”

“Is it?” Sirius looked at her, and Lily looked down at the water. Things were normally easy between Lily and Sirius; they were similar in all the ways that counted and opposite in all the ways that made them fun. They could bounce off each other for hours, comfort and humor and everything that needed no explanation. This, though, was hard. This was too complex for a shove and a smile.

Lily knew that Sirius would think of what he didn’t know until it tore him apart. Secrets didn’t sit well on his shoulders. She rubbed her lip raw between her teeth. Finally, she said, “It’s—something for Remus. It’s not mine to talk about, Sirius, please don’t ask, but—it would just help him if we could find this place. By tonight. Don’t tell him I mentioned, and you can head back to town if you want but—”

“It’s for Remus?” Sirius’ voice sounded odd. Lily nodded. “I’ll help. Of course I’ll help. Let’s head back before he thinks we’re really slow swimmers, yeah?”

Lily nodded again, and Sirius nudged her shoulder with his side and smiled. Then he jumped right off and started swimming back. Lily laughed and followed. 

Remus tried not to look too relieved when Sirius and Lily made their way back, but Lily could tell he was.

“I thought you might’ve been eaten by something,” he laughed a bit shakily.

“By what?” Sirius grinned with his teeth showing. “The whale in the mountain river?”

“The mountains is full of all sorts of odd creatures, Sirius. You’re living proof.”

Lily watched them laugh, feeling like she had the next piece of a puzzle in her hand, and just had to turn it the right way to place it down. 

Sirius didn’t seem to want to wait around long, though. “Well let’s get on then, shall we? We’ve got a witch’s hut to find. I’ll take the lead.” With that, he dashed on ‘til he’s just barely in sight. Remus and Lily laughed and started to follow behind. 

“You’ve warmed up to him,” she said with a smile. Remus’ eyes got big.

“What?” Remus’ fidgeting had stopped, but his shoulders tensed.

“You used to always seem so nervous around him,” Lily said. “You never spoke and you looked at him like he was 9 feet tall. You joke around now, you’re more comfortable. It’s good.”

Remus shrugged, as though friendship with Sirius was something that had snuck up on him. “Hard not to let someone that pretty grow on you, I suppose.”

Lily could tell Remus was telling her something important, but it took her a moment to shade in the message completely.

“Oh!” her voice was a bit higher than usual, and Remus looked over in alarm. “I didn’t realize your type was posh and mysterious.”

Remus might have physically jumped out of his skin for a moment. To this day, Lily swears he did, and I’m not inclined to disbelieve her. “That’s not what I meant! I just meant, well obviously he’s a handsome looking man. Everyone and their nephew twice removed know it’s easy to like pretty people, it’s just the way of the world. Doesn’t have to mean anything.”

“Yes, except that it does this time, doesn’t it?”

Remus went quiet and looked at his fingers as he walked for a bit. “Let’s just leave it at ‘warming up to him’, okay?” 

Lily was halfway through her ‘okay’ when Sirius shouted back at them.

“I found the cold place!”

Remus and Lily rushed up ahead. Even from a few yards away, Remus could tell that he definitely had found the cold place. Ice tipped Sirius’ nose and ears, and his skin was whiter than when they first met him. Even his eyelashes seemed frosted and his teeth clattered like the buzz of a honey bee.

After a few steps, he felt it too, the cold in his bones. He barely even felt it on his skin; it was as if it was freezing him from the inside out. He glanced to see Lily at his left side. Snow sprinkled itself throughout her red hair, and frost was spreading like a web on her neck, ice forming on her fingertips, hanging down like jewelry. Remus was quite certain this wasn’t how ice worked, but he supposed they were getting closer and closer to the magic. It felt odd, like a smell he recognized but couldn’t place—magic, that is. It felt familiar, as though perhaps he had not lived a life full of it, but his people before him had, and this was their gift to him, this moment in these woods with his friends and their frosted lips. This was someone in the heavens who saw him as a son saying hello. He could not keep the smile from his shaking mouth. 

“Amazing,” he whispered, looking up at the snowless, evergreen trees with a reverie he cannot hide. Sirius placed his freezing palm on Remus’ shoulder and smiled at him.

“It’s lovely, but we need to go.” Sirius laughed a bit and his breath came out in a cloud. 

Remus nodded and they walk away together, heading east.

As they thawed and the color returned to their cheeks, they all started to feel butterflies where the cold had been. There was no denying now that the old woman had been right, and that meant that they really were on the trail to finding a witch’s hut.

Sirius, of course, was now having to reevaluate his entire worldview. 

“There was definitely a scientific explanation for that, right? Remus, what’s the science?”

“No science, that was magic.”

“But magic’s not real, Remus. You’re smart, you must know that.”

“My apologies, I misspoke. What I meant was, surely we all caught a frightful cold at the exact same moment and then, all at once, got over it. The old woman in the bar knew because she’s a prodigious doctor of a caliber unknown to even the top of the mountain scholars, and she wanted to play a nasty trick on us.”

“Remus, I’m being seriou—”

“You’re going to regret that word choice if you continue,” Lily interrupted. “It’s time for lunch anyhow, let’s drop the subject. You’re entitled to your own beliefs and rationalization. I’ve packed a sandwich for you to eat while you work it out.”

“Does it have jam?”

Lily rolled her eyes, “Of course it does, princess.”

“That’s Queen to you.”

“My deepest apologies.”

They ate together in silence. It was a rather late lunch, around 3 o’ clock by now, so they were all pretty hungry. 

These woods really were quite similar to the ones at home. They smelled a bit different, and the trees were taller, but otherwise, they were the same. Hopefully, the wolf would know not to leave them tonight, with or without a hut to keep locked inside. 

After lunch, it didn’t take very long to find the willow tree, in the middle of a clearing, obviously out of place. It was old and twisted and full of knots. Remus thought it was the sort of tree he wouldn’t mind living in. 

Just beyond that, finally  _ finally  _ they saw it. The old woman had called it a cottage at first, but for some reason Remus had been picturing something more like a shed, rotted wood one wrong breath away from toppling down. That was not this cottage at all. It was small, sure, but with cobblestone walls, wooden shutters attached to the open windows, which had plants curling along the edges. Up the walls grew roses, and it smelled like bread baking. The witch must have put charms on it to keep it maintained even in her absence. What an odd thought that was, to upkeep your home even after your own passing.

Lily opened the door tentatively. Inside, there was no dust, only overstuffed couches and rocking chairs and plants growing from pots. There were blankets folded in a corner. 

“Oh,” Lily said softly. “It’s lovely.”

And so it was. Remus nearly felt bad letting the wolf on it. He decided to make a point to tidy the place back up best he could. Hopefully the witch’s magic would help prevent too much damage, or restore the cottage afterwards. If not, Lily would help him. He looked over at her.

She was already looking at him.  _ Alright,  _ her face said,  _ we found it, now what? _

“Lily,” Remus said carefully to her, “what would you bet that I couldn’t stay in this cottage all night?”

Thank the heavens Lily is clever. “Seven coins, at least. You’d get scared and come back long before morning.”

“You’re on.”

“I’ll stay with him,” offered a very confused Sirius. All of this was very uncharacteristic.

“You can’t,” Remus said. “That would ruin the bet. I have to do this myself or it’s cheating.”

“Remus, if this is about last night being a bit weird, I can sleep on the floor or find another room or something, you don’t have to sleep in the bloody woods—”

Remus laughed. “It’s not about that, don’t worry, sometimes you just need an old fashioned dare, right Lily?”

“Right.”

“Right. Now you two can be on your way, there’s still so much of town to see, I heard there’s a bookshop, but don’t go there without me, okay? Lock the door behind you, please.”

Sirius looked very confused and upset by this turn of events, but Lily dragged him out by the arm. 

Lily began to shut and bar the windows.

“Is that completely necessary?” Sirius looked nervous, and near mutinous.

“Sirius, I don’t know how they did things where you’re from, but down in Terram, we take gambles very seriously. No cheating, no dishonor. So yes, yes it is. Remus will be fine. We’ll see him in the morning. I want to go back to the bar and find that girl Alice.”

Sirius did his best to shake it off and smile. “She has a boyfriend, you know.”

“I know, I know, hush up.”

So they walked back to town together, much faster than the walk there because they knew the way and had no need to stop. As the sun was just starting to set, they reached the place along the river where they began to travel north towards the bar again. 

“Thanks for helping look for the witch’s cottage, you were a big help,” Lily said.

“Of course, anything for a friend...Hey, what was that dare all about?”

“It’s about pride, Sirius, about honor. It’s… about something I can’t tell you about just yet, I hope you’ll understand.”

“I do, I just—I hope Remus knows he can trust me.”

Lily smiled softly. “He knows, Sirius, some things are just hard to talk about.” She paused, bit her lip, and glanced at Sirius from the corner of her eye, “Last night, did the two of you…?”

Sirius’ eyes went very, very wide. “No! No, of course not. Why, does he want to? Not that it matters, it’s just a good sort of thing to know. Of course he doesn’t. Why would you ask that? What have you seen that would suggest—”

Lily laughed in a way that rang out to the sky across from them. “Nothing, just the way I found you this morning, I wondered. And, well, you were very sweet trying to find the cottage for him today, but of course that was because you’re his friend.”

“Right, right.” Sirius was rather red, and something had gone odd with his voice. “Friendship is very important. Especially friendship with Remus Lupin. You know that Lily, of course you do. Of course, it’s a very difficult thing, being friend to but not falling in love with Remus Lupin. I’m sure you know. But we’ve strong wills, you and I. Friendship it is.”

Lily was not laughing, but it was obvious from her voice she was going to great efforts not to when she said, “Actually, I haven’t had that many troubles with falling in love with him. Not a particular issue of mine.”

“Really?” Sirius’ eyebrows shot up beneath his hair. “You do—well, you do like boys, don’t you?”

This time Lily could not stifle her laugh. “I do, I like boys and girls and all those sorts. I don’t know, however, that Remus is all that interested in girls.”

“Oh,” Sirius’ voice shot up an octave, “is that so?”

“I could be wrong,” Lily said with a shrug. “He doesn’t date, so I haven’t much to go on, but from who he’s mentioned finding attractive, I think there’s a definite preference. Perhaps that’s a conversation you should have with him, though.”

“What, why? That’s a rather private sort of matter, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but the two of you are rather close, and you’re the same, aren’t you?”

Sirius made a quite undignified sort of squawk or shriek sound. “What makes you say that?”

“The sound you just made when I brought it up, for one. Sirius, if it’s not something you like to talk about, it’s fine, I’ll forget I said or even noticed anything—but, well, I don’t know where you’re from or what they teach their kids there. You know it’s okay, right? To love other men?”

Sirius nodded and said quietly to the ground, “Yes, I know that now.”

That last word did not escape Lily’s notice, but she let the subject go, partially because Sirius was clearly uncomfortable enough, and partially because they’d reached the bar. 

It wasn’t hard to find Alice; she was at the bar near the same spot she’d been last night, her boyfriend nearby talking to a friend. Lily sat beside her, Sirius on her other side. 

“Would your boyfriend get terribly angry if I bought you a drink?” Lily asks her with a bright smile.

“That depends on what you talk me into after that drink.” Alice was apparently not naive. Lily laughed good naturedly.

“I won’t pretend I’m not disappointed you’re with someone, Alice, you’re lovely. But your boy seems sweet, and you two seem awfully in love.”

Alice got a glassy sort of look in her eyes and she glanced back towards Frank. “We really are. But!” She turned back towards Lily, “You’re welcome to buy me a drink as long as I can return the favor.”

“Sounds like a deal.” Lily signaled towards the barkeep and the two of them order. They got to talking—about girls, about music, about folk stories and the cottage in the woods. At this last subject, Alice grew thoughtful.

“Tell me Lily, what do you think of the queen?” As she asked this, Sirius tensed, digging his nails into the wood of the bar, but Lily was too tipsy and distracted to notice. 

“I don’t think much of her, to be honest.” Now this is important: what Lily meant was that she didn’t think of the queen often, being from a low town where politics were fairly irrelevant. What Alice heard was that Lily did not think highly of the queen. So when Lily said this, her face brightened considerably.

“Can you keep a secret?” she asked.

Lily nodded solemnly. “Of course.”

“We’re meeting there tonight, a group and I, to discuss plans of her downfall. That’s why I got so upset when you brought the woods up last night, it’s our rendezvous point, for the supporters of the revolution that live in this area—that cottage in the woods every full moon at midnight.”

Lily’s big eyes got bigger, in both the literal and metaphorical sense. “There’s a revolution?” Then the whole of what Alice had said sunk in. “Wait, you meet tonight? In the cottage?”

“Yes,” Alice looked excited, earnest, all while Lily grew steadily horrified, “You can come with Frank and I if you want, learn more about it—sure, there’s not much action way down here, but we keep up with the word from the top and—”

“Sirius!” Lily turned to him, leaving a confused Alice on her other side. “You have to go get Remus, I’m far too tipsy now. Take a lantern from one of the traders, you have to get him out of there, I’ll see if I can stop the meeting.”

“What, why? Is all of this about the dare? I think you’re taking this far too seriously, Lily—”

“It’s not about the dare, Sirius, there isn’t time to explain. The sun is almost down. You need to get to him before then.” 

Sirius held her gaze for a moment, then nodded and took off. He had never run so fast in his entire life. To be fair, it took his mind off the things he’d heard Alice saying, which he desperately needed, but the worry if Remus was okay was greater than the fear of any revolution. 

The last rays of sun were sneaking over the surrounding mountain range when Sirius found Remus. He was curled up in a knit blanket on the cold dirt floor, looking up in shock as the door swung open. 

“Sirius! What are you doing here, it’s not safe for—”

“No time, Lily said I had to come get you out of here, there are people coming to meet here at midnight.”

“What? Why would they? They can’t, someone has to stop them, it’s not safe, Sirius, the—” a look of pain twisted Remus’ face. “The wolf is going to be here soon, and I can’t control him. You need to leave.”

“What? I’m not leaving you! What wolf are you talking about?”

“Me, Sirius.” Remus laughed, a bit bitterly. “I don’t know how you haven’t figured it out yet. I’m a werewolf.” He sighs, and focuses himself. “Okay, take that rope over there by the door, do you see it?”

“ _ What _ ?! You just told me you’re a  _ werewolf _ and you expect me to turn around and look for some stupid _rope_?”

“Sirius! Now! Just do it!” It wasn’t malicious, but there was a desperate sort of anger there Sirius had never heard from Remus. He turned around and picked up the rope beside the door.

“Okay, good,” Remus said, getting up and walking towards him. “We need to act quickly. We need to find a place nearby, one you can find in the morning, but far enough that the people won’t see me on their way to the cottage, and I need you to tie me to a tree. Very tightly. As best you can.”

“What? That’s crazy—” Sirius started, but even as he said this Remus was pushing him out the door, not wasting any time. They ran half a mile further south, tripping on roots and fallen branches in the near dark. 

Finally, Remus pulled them to a stop in front of an oak with a thick trunk, and said, “Okay, this one should hold him.” Then he sat down in front of the tree.

“Remus, Remus, this is crazy, I—”

“So you’ve said. I don’t really have the time to care at the moment, to be quite honest. The wolf could be coming any moment now. Start tying.”   
  


Sirius hesitated, searched Remus’ face in the light, and started tying. He looped the rope all around the very large tree, tied about 5 different kinds of knots, the strongest he knew, keeping Remus’ back tight against the tree trunk. He used the excess rope to tie Remus’ hands and feet too. When he was done, he held the lantern up to look Remus in the eyes.

Remus nodded and held Sirius’ gaze. “Thank you. Now you need to run. The ropes should hold me, but just in case, you need to be as far away as possible.” Sirius shook his head.

“No, I’m not leaving you.”

“Sirius—”

“Not much you can do to make me leave, Remus.” Sirius lifted his free hand up to Remus’ cheek and looked into his eyes. “I’m not leaving you here.”

The dim lantern lit up the space just between them, so Sirius could see Remus’ face and nothing else. Finally, Remus nodded.

“Okay, but you at least have to move away. And—when I—when I change, Sirius,” Remus looked at the sky, the stars above the towering trees, so Sirius couldn’t see his face, his voice choked, “you have to promise to look away. I don’t want you to see.”

Sirius swallowed nervously and nodded back. “I promise. But Remus,” he pulled Remus’ face back down and leant in until their foreheads and noses were touching, and they closed their eyes for fear, “it wouldn’t change anything if I did, okay? You’d still be Remus. You still are Remus.” Remus made a small sort of noise that he’d deny if you asked him about. Sirius lifted his hand and ran it through Remus’ hair. “I’m not leaving you tonight, I’ll be right here, okay? Just a few feet away. You won’t be alone.” 

Remus nodded, eyes squeezed shut. He’d done this a hundred times before, but not with the risk of other people in the woods, not tied to a tree. And he’d never felt the fear that was Sirius’ mouth less than an inch away from his.

“Okay,” he said, nodding.

Sirius smiled shakily. “It’s gonna be okay. I’m going to step away now.” Sirius kissed the tip of Remus’ nose. It seemed fitting at the time, a little joking reminder of a night before when they’d had a very different problem. Once he’d done it though, it seemed more sincere, in the light of the moment. He laughed a little, nervously. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

If Remus had noticed something odd, he hadn’t let on. His eyes were still shut as he nodded, yet again. “Okay. See you then.”

It wasn’t a moment too soon that Sirius stepped away. Before he’d even sat down at the tree far across from Remus’, the transformation started. True to his word, Sirius covered his eyes. When he uncovered them, Remus was gone, and in his place, the wolf.

So the night began. 

  
  


When the light returned, Remus woke to find himself still tied to the oak tree. Sirius sat beside him, much closer than he was supposed to be, and holding a very long stick. His eyes were drooping, but he smiled sleepily at Remus.

“Morning, sunshine, how’re ya feeling?”

Remus looked down at himself. He had scratches that would scar, as always, but notably fewer than usual. He looked at Sirius. “What happened last night?”

Sirius looked away, a little guilty. “The wolf started tearing at himself, I guess he was bored or hungry or angry or something, so I went and got a stick—” Sirius gestured at the stick he was holding— “and we played around with it enough to distract him. This isn’t the first stick, a couple he wrestled away from me and snapped to pieces, but—” Sirius shrugged. “It seemed to help.”

Remus shook his head, dumbstruck. “It did, it definitely did. Sirius, you didn’t have to do that, I can’t thank you enough.” 

“Don’t thank me Remus, you’re—well, I wanted to help. I’m glad I did. I’m glad you’re okay. Now let’s get you untied and back to town so we can treat those scratches.”

Remus nodded, letting Sirius untie him and lead him gently by the hand back to town. 

When they reached the ring of trader’s wagons, it seemed every adult rushed over to make sure Remus’ wounds were tended to. Finally, a man who had many children cleared away the rest of the crowd to clean Remus up, fussing over him. He said he’d stayed out in the woods all night on a dare from Lily—not quite a lie—and gotten a bit beat up in the process—again, not quite a lie. The traderman scolded him and made him promise not to make such a silly prideful mistake again while pouring liquids on his cuts that made them sting before wrapping them up in cloth. 

Lily found them as the traders were packing up to leave and let out a breath of relief so large Remus thought she must have been holding it in all night. 

“I didn’t know where you were or if you were okay, you are okay, right? Everyone is okay?” 

Remus nodded, wincing as the tradesman poured something on another cut. 

The tradesman looked grumpily at Lily. “It’s his fault for being a dumbass, Lily, but really, you oughtn’t encourage him.”

Lily nodded solemnly. “Yes sir, I know that quite well now, I’ve learned my lesson.” 

“And you, you’ve learned yours?” The tradesman asked this of Remus, who nodded. It hadn’t quite occurred to him until that moment that he’d made an extended sort of family of the tradespeople, too, and it was going to be painful leaving them when the time came. Hopefully when they said goodbye, it would not be for the last time. 

As they climbed into their empty wagon to head home (the traders had done quite well at that stop), Lily told them excitedly of how she’d attended the revolutionaries’ meeting, which she’d managed to relocate to Remus and Sirius’ tiny room in the inn. 

“Did you know the queen throws a huge party every first day of the month? It costs thousands of coins and is just for her and her nobles, and all the while people on her streets are starving. People starve even at the very top of the mountain, Remus. She really doesn’t care about anyone. And she never sends protection to border towns when they need it. She’s careless, she’s incompetent, she’s corrupted. But there are people everywhere, in this town and every one above it, some even below, who are just waiting for the right time to revolt. They’re communicating, coordinating, sending messages back and forth. It’s coming soon. Isn’t it exciting?”

Sirius looked sick to his stomach. Remus looked vaguely bored. 

“Yes it’s very exciting,” Remus said, already laying his head down, “but Sirius and I were up all night so you’ll have to excuse us while we rest.”

Lily had the decency to look embarrassed. “Of course, sleep well you two.”

And Remus did, but Sirius tossed and turned with worry.


	3. Altiorem: The Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we acquire a mission, fall in a river, and fight a wolf.

Of course, there came the time when they were all awake at once and had a moment to themselves, and Sirius asked to hear the story of Remus, the wolf-bitten child made to move from the tip top to the very bottom of the mountain before he was even of age to read. The fearful look in Sirius’ eyes that Remus had anticipated never came.

With one fewer secret lingering in the air, spirits were higher than ever in their tiny trading wagon. One night, when the cold of November retreated for the last night of the year, all the traders and their families crawled out of their wagons at camp and danced for hours. 

Lily, of course, was immediately whisked away for a dance with someone’s daughter, and was not returned for the rest of the night. For a few songs, Sirius and Remus stood awkwardly together and laughed at the way the whole crew seemed to watch her. But after a while, the awkwardness grew to be too much and Remus was thinking about excusing himself to go back to the wagon when Sirius asked him to dance. Cautiously, Remus took Sirius’ hand and let him lead him into the clearing. 

_ Come single belle and beau, unto me pay attention _

_ Don't ever fall in love, it's the devil's own invention _

The crowd all around them sang it, loud and rowdy and off-key. Together, Remus and Sirius danced and spun, weaving throughout them, feet stomping and tongues laughing. It did not escape Remus that every time they found their way back to each other and grabbed hands, it felt like a relief. But he closed his eyes and willed the worry away. This was not the sort of night for such things.

_ With me toora loora la, toora loora laddie _

_ Toora loora la, toora loora laddie _

It was an awful sort of song, really. Remus knew it from Terram. By the end of it, the protagonist is in prison on false accusations and out of a job. But it sounded sort of lovely with everyone singing it together.  _ Don’t ever fall in love, it’s the devil’s own invention. _ Remus thought of this lyric, and some place deep inside him, the color of where orange meets gold in an October sunset, knew it was true. 

They danced all night, until they were exhausted and Sirius slumped against Remus, his arm slung around his shoulders. With a loopy sort of smile, he leaned in too close to Remus.

“Can we go to bed now?” Sirius’ sharp eyes had lost their edge in the night somewhere, and Remus couldn’t help but laugh, mouth wide and eyes crinkling. 

Lily found her way back to them quite suddenly, with her hair wild and her cheeks red. “Aw, are you tired, princess?”

Sirius nodded sleepily. “Yes, and it’s time for bed now.” He let a laughing Remus lead him back to their wagon. “I meant what I said,” he whispered. “It’s a really nice laugh.”

Remus turned bright red. They’d reached Sirius’ spot and his blanket and Remus started to tuck him in. “You know you have to let me go sometime here, so I can go to my own bed.”

“Don’t.” Sirius’ eyes were already shut, but he was awake enough to tighten his grip on Remus’ neck and tug him closer. “Just stay here tonight, please?”

Remus inhaled sharply, like he felt the physical impact of those words. He did his best to ignore Lily watching them from behind, brushed the hair from Sirius’ forehead, and crawled in beside him. Together, they drifted off to sleep. 

  
  


It wasn’t long from there before they were to reach Altiorem, the highest stop on the trader’s route. Remus felt something sharp and heavy and uncomfortable in his stomach for the days before then. He wasn’t sure what he was most distressed about: leaving the traders, having to go the rest of the way on foot, or the possibility that Sirius might not come with them. He hadn’t even been able to bring himself to ask Sirius about it, and neither had Lily, who was apparently having an uncharacteristic streak of anxiety about the matter. 

Finally, their last night before the stop, the three of them are having drinks together after dinner. 

“So,” Sirius started, “Altiorem. That’s it for you two, right?”

Lily nodded solemnly; Remus just barely glanced up from his bottle. 

“You’ll come with us?” Lily finally had the nerve to ask, “I mean, I know you’ve been with the traders a while and you certainly don’t have to, we don’t have much of a plan—”

“Of course I’ll come,” Sirius said. “Just wasn’t sure I was invited.”

And with that, the heavy sharp something in Remus’ stomach shrunk itself considerably. While he was still concerned about the other things, it became quite clear what his biggest worry had been. Remus took another sip of whiskey.

Lily, invigorated, began talking ceaselessly about the excitement they’d find at the top of the mountain—particularly, the revolution, which she’d become quite enamored with. Apparently she’d found more revolutionaries in the last town they’d stopped at, and more and more she was being drawn in. 

When she stepped outside to move some things for the traders, Sirius leaned over to Remus. “What do you think of all of it?”

Remus shrugged. “I mostly just hope she doesn’t get hurt in all of this. Revolutions don’t tend to change much for common people like us. If Lily’s stories about the queen are true, maybe she deserves to be overthrown, but that doesn’t mean whoever replaces her will be any better.”

“Maybe Lily will replace her,” Sirius said with a lopsided, ironic sort of smile. “She could certainly charm her way into it.”

Remus laughed, and Sirius looked like he’d won some sort of prize. “You’re not wrong, not wrong at all. What do you think of all of it?”

Sirius looked a bit nervous, but shrugged just like Remus did moments ago. “You’re probably right, it won’t change much. But, well, she is right, you know. She’s right about the queen.” Sirius didn’t meet his eyes. 

Remus had suspected Sirius was from nobility, but this confirmation was a surprise. He normally went far out of his way to avoid the subject of his past. If he’d mentioned knowing the true nature of the queen, it was an intentional move.

“Have you met her? The queen?”

Sirius nodded, looking straight ahead. “It’s all true, what she says. Not just about the parties and the policies and the poor ruling. She doesn’t care. Not about anyone. I don’t know that she even cares about herself. All she wants to do is keep up appearances.” Sirius took a swig of his whiskey. “Seems like they’re falling apart now, though.”

Remus paused, looking at Sirius, who was pointedly not looking back. “You know, you can tell me about it if you want, where you came from.”

Sirius smiled, not quite happy, but content in the way that reminded one of a mug of tea on a rainy day. “Thanks, but I think I’ll keep the mystery alive for now if you don’t mind. If I do want to talk about it though—” Sirius paused, looking down at their hands before nervously taking Remus’, “you’ll be the first to hear.”

Remus inhaled, leaning in without much thought. It was the moment on the hay bales, it was the moment in the inn, it was the night in the woods with them oh so close and Sirius promising him not to leave, it was every time Remus had not left, it was Sirius choosing tonight all over again not to leave him, it was Sirius’ hand in his and shaking breaths and leaning in and—

Lily came bounding back in. They both startled, and Lily noticed, but she did not say anything. Sirius moved their hands so they were hidden behind their legs, but he did not let go. Remus definitely noticed, but he did not say anything. 

They talked more, about their plans and the traders they’d miss and how they’d have to find them again someday. They talked late into the night, and it wasn’t until they got up to go to their separate sleeping corners that Sirius let go of Remus’ hand. 

  
  


Lily’s modus operandi for new towns had become startlingly routine. Nearly immediately after setting up camp, Lily would visit the bar and poke around until she’d found any revolutionaries in town. A few towns ago, she’d learned the speak they used to identify each other, and that had only gotten her more excited. 

In Altiorem, Lily leaned against the wall of the bar, chatting up a girl named Marlene. 

“Have you heard about the bad weather up the mountain?” Lily asked, saying each word carefully.

Marlene looked her up and down appraisingly. “Nasty storm, it is.” She smiled ever so slightly, with only one side of her mouth, and called her girlfriend Dorcas over. “Hey, babe! Come check out the new girl!”

Marlene and Dorcas both fawned over the pretty low town girl with the red hair and the bright smile. Altiorem had the biggest population of revolutionaries yet, and Marlene and Dorcas introduced her to all of them, Remus and Sirius tagging along behind. Nearly half the town was in on the uprising. They all loved Lily to pieces. 

They sat around a bonfire that night, and Marlene and Dorcas, who were either adopting or flirting with Lily (it was hard to tell). They chatted about rumors they’d heard from up the mountain, the revolution was getting closer, Prince Regulus had all but locked himself in his room, the elder prince was still missing, the queen remained unaware, planning her next monthly feast. Remus took note of all of these things, it was odd how the name of the second prince was common knowledge to these folks, but he had never so much as heard it before that night. Logically, he had known that places further up the mountain were more political, actually gave a damn about the intricacies of the palace, to them not a fantasy, but he hadn’t really believed it until he was sitting there on that chopped down log surrounded by twenty different opinions. He wondered if those in the castle had ever done anything for Altiorem to earn the interest they held. 

Eventually, they ran out of rumors to trade from above and turned to their new obsession from below- Lily and her shy friends. Eagerly, Marlene and her crew asked about where’d they’d come from, and heard their whole story. 

“Wait,” Marlene asked when they’d finished, “you’re still going up?” Lily nodded, and Marlene began to root around in her bag before pulling out a letter. “This is information. Numbers and locations and such we’ve gathered as estimates on the forces down here and how quickly they can be assembled. We’ve been needing to deliver them to the people at the top, but Dorcas’ dad is sick, so we couldn’t take time for the trip.” She handed the letter over. “Can I trust you to deliver it?”   
  


Lily looked up, wide eyed, before looking left to right at Remus and Sirius, the former of whom nodded his assent. “Yes, of course you can.”

“Good. Deliver it to Peter Pettigrew. He lives on the east side of the capital, near the blacksmith’s. His door is painted green. Knock three times, then two, then three again. Tell them Marlene McKinnon and Dorcas Meadowes sent you. They shouldn’t give you any trouble.”

“And if you ever come back down to visit,” Dorcas leaned in, “you’d best bring us back some of Peter’s sugar cookies, else we might not speak to you.”

Lily laughed in a way that made the whole village seem to sigh with adoration. “I’ll do my best. And Dorcas, I hope your dad gets better.”

Dorcas nodded sadly, looking a bit distracted, but thanked her all the same.

The rest of the night, they drank, and Lily’s eyes, sharp and green, grew bigger and bigger, hungry for all the adventure of the mountain. But for once, she had a ticket to finding it, a letter tucked in the bottom of her satchel bag. 

At one point, Remus leaned over and whispered in Sirius’ ear, “Do you think they have a chance at winning?”

Sirius stared into the fire, then, almost imperceptibly, shook his head.

Remus furrowed his brow, worrying what Lily had gotten herself, and them by extension, into. He thought about taking Sirius’ hand, but thought that might not be okay here, out in the light of the fire, with other people. 

That night, he wanted to crawl under Sirius’ blanket, for their last night in the little trading wagon where they met, for their last night before they were on their own and aligned with a hopeless rebellion, but he didn’t. 

  
  


The next morning, they said their tearful goodbyes to the traders and started on their way up the mountain. The traders had packed their bags full of honeys and ribbons and good luck charms, making them promise to find them again someday. They all promised. The trails up the mountain from there were narrower, big enough for a pack mule or two, but not a wagon, and certainly not a convoy of them. For three young travelers, it was perfect. 

At lunchtime, Remus sat out with a map.

“Alright,” he said, “right now we’re here.” He pointed to a place near the top of the mountain. “From here to the capital is about… a week’s walk. We’ve only got a few days of food here, not counting the vast amounts of honey. Luckily, about the time our food is set to run out, we should find a trading post where we can exchange some of the goods the merchants gave us for food. We should be able to get a couple more days worth there. Hopefully, enough to last us the rest of the journey.”

Sirius looked extremely concerned. “But what about water? We’ll be needing that too.” 

Remus smiled fondly, “Sirius, the trail up to the capital follows a river running down the mountain. Otherwise there couldn’t be a trail there in the first place.”

Sirius blushed a bit and nodded. They set back out on the trail. 

  
  


The first day was fine—they felt strong, they were making good time, they laughed and enjoyed each other’s company. The second day, their legs started to ache and they grew breathless, needing more and more stops. The third day, they all woke up, decided it was too cold, and stayed at camp, playing drinking games. 

By the afternoon, Lily had chugged an entire jar of honey, Sirius had 35 ribbons in his hair, the maximum they found they could fit, and Remus missing his shirt. 

“Alright,” Lily thought over her bottle of whiskey, “Remus, truth or dare,”

Remus, who was very scared of excessive physical activity, due to his increasingly foggy head, chose truth. 

“Okay Remus, what’s your type?”

Remus turned red as one of old woman Rani’s tomatoes. “I don’t have a type, Lily, you know that.”

“Sure you do, just answer the question.”

“Lilyy—”

“Answer or drink.”

Remus looked apprehensively at his bottle of whiskey. He really didn’t like being drunk. And he was definitely getting there if he didn’t stop now. 

“Um, well, I suppose I like…well the ones that are nice and…oh geez, I think I need a drink of water,” and with that, he stumbled up from his stump and ran away towards the stream around the bend, wandering this way and that as he went.

Sirius looked after him. “I better go with him. No good thing to be drunk and alone in the woods.”

Lily nodded, and in a rush Sirius followed after Remus.

When Sirius found him, he was standing in the river, looking up in a daze. His mouth was wet and he was holding his waterskin. Clearly he’d already had his water, but hadn’t gotten around to getting back. He was looking at the sunset.

Remus looked over when Sirius snapped a branch, and motioned him over, into the river, before looking back at the sunset.

“See there?” he said, pointing. “That’s your favorite color. Where the orange meets gold.”

Sirius nodded, and wrapped his arm around Remus’ waist to steady himself in the running waters at his feet. “Yep, and here’s yours.” Sirius winked as Remus looked over with pink cheeks. 

“Yes, well. You’ve just gotten lucky on that one. Liked grey since I was a child, I have.”

“Really? I thought maybe it was part of your type.”

Remus, to his own surprise, laughed, and not with bitterness. “I wasn’t lying back there. I haven’t got much of a type.”

“Everyone’s got a type.”

“Well no, see—I’ve only ever fancied one person.”

Sirius was very silent for a moment, then said, “That just means you have a very specific type.”

Together, they laughed, and both wondered if they were laughing about the same thing. 

“They’re very lucky then,” Sirius said, “the person who caught your eye.”

Remus laughed again. “He likely wouldn’t think so.”

_ He,  _ Sirius definitely noticed, but he did not say anything. “Was it long ago then? When you had feelings for this man?”   
  


They are both looking out at the river, and the trees and setting sun over it. They are not looking at each other.

“Not so long. They’re more a recent development, to be honest.”

Sirius did some quick math as to the number of men Remus had become close enough with in the recent past to fall for. He was pretty sure the total came up to one. But saying so is such a gamble, and Sirius had never really been as brave as people gave him credit for.

He did some more calculations, and said as much as he could. “I’m in rather a similar spot, to be honest.”

Remus finally looked at him. “You are?”

Sirius, looking back, nodded. 

There are, in theory, an infinite amount of universes. There are universes where Remus and Sirius are on the same side of a war, and universes where they are on opposite sides. There are universes where Remus runs a bakery and Sirius a flower shop. There are universes where they do not speak english, where the words are all mixed up and they’ve done things out of order. There are an infinite amount of times Remus and Sirius have met. In every single one, they have reached this moment, where Sirius thinks that, just maybe, they’ve fallen in love. The same time, same place, all their cards just right. 

But Sirius never gambled unless he’d been counting cards, and Remus made him lose his focus. 

Sirius thought about something. Something small, that could be misconstrued as more innocent. A kiss on the cheek or the nose, an arm around a shoulder. He almost feels like he can’t leave and walk away without touching Remus  _ some _ way, but the only thing harder than not touching Remus was actually touching him. Actually reaching out, when every move he made was a follow up to their conversation before. 

Remus, still holding his gaze, took a step closer and said, “You weren’t wrong. The grey eyes. That might be a part of my very specific type.”

Sirius took a step closer in the water and it was like that math trick someone taught him years ago—if you always half the distance between two points, they’ll never truly meet. “What else is part of this type?”

Remus hummed softly, looking between Sirius’ eyes—they were practically nose to nose by now. “Mmm, black hair, pale skin, that sort of thing. Willing to bend over backwards for his friends. Makes me laugh, ect, ect.” Remus put his hand on Sirius’ cheek.

At this point, there was no room for doubt what sort of conversation they were having. At least not in the reasonable part of Sirius’ mind. Another part of his mind was still running over the traders sons over and over again to remember if any of them have pale skin, which he already knew they didn’t. Sirius looked over Remus’ face, the golden browns and dimples and scars, pink lips and eyes like brown sugar. It was all so familiar to him by then, but still exciting, to see it this close. Slowly, he leaned in and he was almost there—

And then a rock from the riverbed slipped beneath him and they both went tumbling into the river. 

Both swore profusely and untangled their limbs, trying to protect their heads from the rocks. Immediately after they hit the riverbed, Sirius leaned over, their legs still twisted, to ask, “Are you alright?” He saw a cut on Remus’ arm and began to worry at it. 

Remus laughed softly, half affection, half a gentle sadness. “Sirius, it’s fine, trust me, I’ve had a lot worse.”

So there they were, legs tangled together in the river, Sirius’ hand on Remus’ arm, Remus’ arm gripping Sirius’ shirt, faces barely inches apart. There was Remus, feelings all spelled out. There was Sirius, just barely short the courage to return the favor. 

Sirius smiled, a bit sadly, and brushed Remus’ hair back with his fingers, saying, “Come on, let’s get back to camp and wrap that up.”

So they did. And that’s all. 

  
  


The next day they all woke up with splitting headaches, but they forced themselves up and walked twice as fast as they wanted to, until they reached the trading post.

They happily traded in their goods and knick knacks for hot meals and food for the rest of the trip up. When their stomachs are full and satisfied, Lily began her game of making the whole town fall in love with her, and finding the rebels while she was at it. 

Within the hour, the sun was setting and Lily had the town lighting torches and lanterns and a bonfire for a dance. The trade post is barely 20 people large, but once she found the one of those with a fiddle, there was nothing in her way. Remus and Sirius leaned against the wall of the tavern, watching. At this point, Lily’s instant town sweetheart act wasn’t even funny, just sort of comforting in its constancy. Of course, Lily would charm everyone she met and paint a town red. Of course, Remus and Sirius would stand just barely too close as they watched and they would almost, almost, make a move towards each other they couldn’t take back, but they wouldn’t.

Remus wondered if even the God at the top of the mountain could break the habits of stubborn humans. 

A young man came up and asked Sirius to dance. He said ‘no, thank you’, looking at Remus throughout the exchange more than he did the young man.

Remus looked up at the stars, partially to hide the tears forming in his eyes from frustration. He thought, for some reason, that if he and Lily made it up the mountain, he would feel stronger, more like  _ something _ , something of substance with a will and a way and decisions, agency. He thought perhaps, so close to the top of the mountain, he would not feel so hopeless. But of course, altitude does not change the color of one’s soul nor the strength of their spine. They could reach the heavens or they could sink to the bottom of the ocean, but still he and Sirius would stand barely too close and refuse to make a move. Hopeless revolution, hopeless cowards, hopeless skinny love. 

  
  


The next morning, they head out again, and Remus tried for some positivity. He found comfort for himself in the way of things. Just like an evergreen tree, or the flow of a river, are he and Sirius. The return of the sun everyday, Lily in her brightness. The fall of night, Sirius in his mysteries. Somewhere in the middle, where the sun sets and the moon rises and wolves come out, there was Remus, just trying to make his peace. 

And as they traveled on for days, Remus really did find some peace. He and his friends laughed together and shared their food, of which there was plenty, and Sirius and Remus begin to visit the river again without blushing and avoiding each other’s eyes. The three of them drank together and played games and made their way up the mountain, to deliver the letter—to see what’s at the top, to topple the queen, to meet God. 

As they got higher, Sirius began to look more and more nervous. Remus asked him about it. 

“There…might be people at the top of this mountain,” he said under his breath, as Lily walked ahead, “who recognize me, and don’t particularly want to see me. Um, some of the,” he rubs at his elbow, “revolutionaries especially, might not be wanting me around.”

Remus nodded. “How are you going to tell Lily?” 

Sirius shook his head. “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just say I have other things to be doing at the top? While she’s off with her revolution?”

Remus laughed, and Sirius smiled at the sound, despite everything. “And you think she’ll take that without further questioning?”

Sirius laughed, and then they were both laughing with aching sides, so loud that Lily turned around to see what was the matter. It was when she turned around that it appeared, behind her back. The wolf. 

Remus and Sirius saw it at the same time, and immediately froze with eyes wide. This, of course, made Lily angry. 

“What’s so funny that you can’t have me knowing about?”

The noise didn’t sit well with the wolf, and he growled. Lily realized slowly and winced, keeping her body perfectly still.

“Lily,” said Remus in a steady, low voice, “walk slowly this way, get back by Sirius.” He started to step forward slowly. 

Lily nodded, and did as he said. As she stepped back, her back still to the wolf, Remus stepped forward, until finally he stood only feet in front of the wolf.

“Remus,” Sirius said cautiously, holding Lily by the arm, “please be careful.”

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Remus did not take his eyes off the wolf. “I get bitten by a wolf again? Become a double werewolf?”

“Remus, it could kill you!” Lily could barely keep the panic out of her voice. 

And on that fitting note, the wolf pounced. Remus grabbed it by the snout, shoving it back to the ground, narrowly avoiding its’ claws. As quick as he could, he reached out and grabbed the biggest rock in arms length, hitting the bottom of the wolf’s jaw. 

The wolf snapped more, shaking lose from Remus’ grip and pouncing again. Remus jumped up and onto its other side, so that now Remus was facing Sirius and Lily, the wolf between them. He did his best not to look at them, but keep his eyes on the wolf. 

It pounced again, but Remus knocked it back with the rock to its throat and a knee to its stomach. In the process, the wolf got a hold of Remus’ arm, digging its claws in as it fell. Remus cried out in pain and kicked at the wolf, shouting rather uncharacteristically, hoping to scare it. The wolf stayed down for a moment, which gave Remus time to grab a very large stick. 

When the wolf pounced again, Remus knocked it back with his stick, which he preferred, in that moment, to think of as a wizard’s staff or a fighting baton of some sort. 

The wolf tried again, this time getting his teeth into Remus’ thigh, and Remus yelled again, kicking him back with his other leg. 

From there, Remus started to run at it, even with his bleeding leg, and yelled louder, shaking his stick at the wolf. Finally, finally, the wolf retreated back into the woods, and it was all Remus could do to sit himself on a boulder instead of collapsing on the ground. 

Lily and Sirius rushed over to him, arms wrapping all around, honestly causing more pain than comfort, but Remus didn’t complain. He laughed a bit and wiped the tears from Sirius’ face as Lily kissed his forehead. 

“What are you even crying about?” Remus asked Sirius, smile reaching his voice and eyes.

“I’m so glad I didn’t lose you.” Sirius choked out. “You’re my best friend, you know. And I’ve only got two of those right now so you hold a certain value to me.”

Remus smiled softly, sadder than before and thought of evergreen trees and rivers that never change courses. “You’re my best friend too, Sirius, and I’m not going anywhere, alright? I’m just fine. Now let’s get out of here before that wolf comes back.” 

Sirius and Lily both agreed on that point and walked a ways away before stopping so Lily could wrap Remus’ wounds. It occured to Remus that this is what growing up was. Leaving town for the first time, surely. Making your own way up the mountain, of course. But this was what really made you feel the aging—fighting a wolf with your bare hands and comforting somebody else about it. Learning to call the boy you’re falling for ‘friend’ and be okay with that.

Remus closed his eyes against the sun while Lily wrapped his leg and imagined adulthood as an old coat that fit him just right. 

They didn’t walk far that day. Remus went slowly, leaning as he was against Sirius, and he had to make a lot of stops. By the time they make camp for the night though, they had made it far enough that they would reach the capital by the next midday, assuming Remus’ calculations were correct. 

And if Sirius slept oddly close to him that night, Remus didn’t think twice about it. It was, of course, a friendly gesture. If Remus woke to a head tucked on his shoulder, in the middle of the night, he laughed at the silly mistakes we make as we sleep and gently set Sirius’ head back where it had been. 


	4. The Top: Marble Walls & Pink Blossoms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we see the palace, meet James and Peter, learn some things about Sirius, and say some things we'll later regret.

The next day, they made it. The top of the mountain.

The first Remus saw of it was the tip of the palace; next, its marble walls. The palace did not take up the whole of the capital, but Remus knew it was the first thing people saw when they reached the top, right by the entrance of the city. He did not miss Sirius digging around in his sack to get his cloak, and pulling it on. He did not miss Sirius biting at his lip. He reached out to take Sirius’ hand, in a friendly manner, and Sirius smiled, grateful.

For the past week, Remus had been reminding himself that the stories Lily always told of the capital were just that—stories. He was quite certain the capital was just like any other town, a bit bigger, a bit nicer, maybe. He wasn’t going to let himself overhype this and be disappointed by a city that was very much normal.

Except Lily had been right all along. As Remus walked up the final steps and through the gates of the city, he lost his breath. The streets were made of white marble, as was the castle and its walls. The trees had pink blossoms growing from them, ivy grew up cobblestone walls, and the whole place smelled of lavender. People roamed the streets, in fine and vibrant clothes, and all of them were as lovely as songbirds in the spring. Remus looked up, half expecting to see God. 

He did not see God, but he looked to his left and saw Sirius, and that felt oddly similar to what he would have expected it to feel like. Sirius looked more lovely than usual in the bright light of the top—his skin glowed, his hair shined. It was as if when Remus met him, he had been recently escaped from a painting, and now he had finally found his way back to it, so all his brushstrokes and harsh lines, his soft colours and sharp eyes, at last made sense in the context. 

Remus was so distracted by how lovely Sirius was right then that it took him a moment to realize how nervous he looked, eyes darting wildly and hand gripping Remus’ tight. Sirius looked over at Lily, whose jaw has dropped, wide eyes finally feasting on something grand enough for her gaze, and shook her shoulder gently. 

“Come on,” Sirius said. “You’ve got an important letter to deliver. East side of town of town, right? Let’s not waste any time.”

Lily nodded, in an absent sort of way, and let herself be led away.

  
  


As they left the entrance of town, it did start to look a little less grandiose. The white marble disappeared and while the cobblestone houses were well-kept, they were clearly old, with obvious wear. More and more, there were children on the streets, just a touch too skinny to pass without worry. 

Lily, slipping out of her daze, began to take charge again, asking around for Peter Pettigrew, looking for green doors. It took several odd looks, and several more hours, but by evening, Lily had found herself in front of a green door.

Sirius puts up his hood and pulled it far down in front of his face. 

“What are you doing that for?” Lily asked, stalling a bit.

“It’s November. It’s cold.”

Lily shrugged and let it go, turning again to face the door. She breathed in, she breathed out. She knocked three times, then two, then finally three again. She breathed deep and steady, to calm herself down. A voice sounded from the other side of the door. 

“Who is it?” The voice was low, young sounding, but not at all unkind. Lily straightened a bit.

“My name is Lily Evans. I was sent by Marlene McKinnon and Dorcas Meadowes, who had to stay at home due to Dorcas’ ailing father.”

The door cracked a little bit, revealing half the face of a tall, dark man with wild hair. “Dorcas’ dad is sick? Aw that’s awful, I hope she’s holding up okay. Come on in.”

Before we get ahead of ourselves, three things happened the moment the door swung open fully. First, there was Sirius, who frantically pulled his hood down lower and said under his breath, “shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit”, making Remus glance over with worry.

Secondly, the tall dark man did not see Sirius at all. He had eyes only for Lily, in every sense of the phrase. His jaw slacked, just a little bit, and he, being a rather dramatic man in general, knew in a moment he was looking at the love of his life. 

Lily, for her part, was also a quite dramatic woman, and she had decided that this moment was possibly the first of the rest of her life. She was so fixated on her initiation to the revolution, she missed the swooping of her stomach, or misattributed its cause. She looked up into the eyes of the tall dark man, and felt so much all at once it was all drowned out. 

Forgetting momentarily to step aside to let the guests in, the tall dark man stuck his hand out towards Lily. “James Potter,” he said, shaking Lily’s hand.

“Lily Evans,” she said. “Though perhaps we’ve got the wrong house, we were looking for a Peter Pettigrew?”

James nodded, “The genius himself. He lives here too, he’s just out at the moment, I’m his right hand man.” He finally seemed to remember to let them into the house, blushing a bit, and the three stepped inside. 

“I used to work in the castle, but my job became obsolete and I was fired without notice or any support. Lucky for me, I was friends with Peter. He worked in the castles too—still does in fact, that’s where he is now. Obviously, the revolution’s been coming for ages, it’s not as though we orchestrated an entire country’s discontent, they were pretty well already there. I wrote about the truth of the castle a bit and spoke to some people to stir up support, but not much. The real trick was organizing forces, a strategy. Peter’s the real genius there. He could lead an army of mice to victory against Spartans. He’s also a genius in the kitchen, but I suppose Dorcas told you about that.” James blushed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to ramble.”

Lily smiled, trying to hide her interest and failing. “No, it’s fine. To be honest, I don’t know much of the revolution. How did your job become obsolete?”

James looked a bit sad. “Ah, see, I was the manservant for the crown prince, Sirius, but when he was disowned and thrown from the castle, there wasn’t much purpose for me—”

“Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit” went Sirius, gripping the hand of Remus, who was beginning to feel something similar. 

“So tell me again why you think the revolutionaries might not take kindly to you?” Remus whispered under his breath.

“Well hopefully this particular one at least shouldn’t be a problem—”

“Oh! I’ve been so rude, I didn’t even notice your friends! Gentlemen, how are you today? You can take that hood off, there’s no need to hide.”   
  


Sirius, defeated, lowered his hood.

James stood still for a moment, dumbstruck, before bursting into a wide grin and throwing his arms around Sirius, lifting him off the ground in a bear hug.

“Sirius! You’re alive! I wasn’t sure! I feared I’d never see you again! And just in time, too. I might have built an entire revolution around you, and you taking the throne. It was really only the logical decision—people were calling for a complete overhaul of the government, which would be an economic nightmare and result in more starving children, which you know I’m soundly against, so you were the option that would keep the monarchy but change what needed to be changed. Plus, it wasn’t a hard story to sell—I mean, the crown prince abused and disowned by the evil queen, the kind hearted prince who treated his manservant like a brother returning and taking her place and bringing peace and prosperity to the kingdom. Really it was the best decision I could have made, only people were starting to get a bit antsy when you weren’t showing up, I was this close to setting out myself and searching the whole mountain for you—”

Lily spoke slow. “Wait a moment, crown prince? Sirius?” She looked at her friend, who was looking quite out of place.

“Way to out me, James,” he said, pressing his hand to his forehead. “But it is,” he smiled, pulling him back in for another hug, “good to see you again.” He laughed. “I missed you.”

James laughed too, eyes tearing up. He didn’t bother to wipe the tears away. 

Sirius smiled, in a way that cracked wide against his cheeks, like he couldn’t stop. He started, remembering his manners. “James, this is Remus. You’re going to love him, he’s spectacular.” Remus blushed, but Sirius kept on. “So tell me everything, how have you been? It blows you lost your job, mother’s a right old bastard. Say, this Pettigrew fellow, is he the same Peter that used to work in the kitchens? The one who always let us sneak pastries?” Remus noticed his voice change, a high town accent slipping in barely, unconsciously. 

James nodded enthusiastically, “The very same. He still works there, actually. The man’s amazing, he’s planning the entire rebellion, and serving as one of our spies at the same time. He keeps his ears open, he’s made friends with some of the queen’s most trusted advisors. Really, I’ve done barely anything. I’m sure your story is much more interesting.”

Sirius laughed, a bit awkwardly, “I’d love to tell you everything, mate. And I will, but all in good time, yeah? We’ve had a long day. Would you mind if we had a seat and a bit of whiskey of some sort?”

So James ushered them over to the couch and Remus and Lily spend the evening hearing story after story of the grand adventures of Prince Sirius and his trusted servant turned best friend, James Potter. Apparently, together they wreaked havoc upon the general goings on of the palace on a regular basis, letting cattle into the castle, dying the queen’s hair green, glueing all the chairs to the walls and hiding all the forks. Remus smiled to hear it all, but it didn’t escape him that they never mentioned just how Sirius came to be kicked out. 

Somewhere in all of this, Peter Pettigrew arrived, and they were introduced. He was a very handsome man, round and with a wide smile that made you want to like him. It was late, but he fixed cookies anyway and they lived up to the legends. When he sat down to discuss strategies with James and Lily, whom he immediately got along splendidly with, Remus was amazed by the quiet sort of brilliance he displayed. Admittedly, Remus himself didn't understand too much of what they were talking about but every problem they ran into, Peter solved with a glance and he could run numbers and estimates in moments, in the blink of an eye. He seemed, to Remus, to be barely too perfect of a person, but he had never been one for paranoia.

Sirius really should have been more interested in the revolution planning, especially since he was theoretically the face of it, but everytime James brought up his taking the throne he just laughed. So he didn't pay any attention to the plans at all, and he stole Remus and a bottle of whiskey over to the other side of the room. 

“Well,” Remus asked in a voice he hoped was quiet enough, “do you still think they have no chance? Now you've seen who's behind it all?”

Sirius shrugged, “I don't know. I suppose I'll have to hope they do though. Don't want James’ head on a platter. Or Lily's, for that matter.”

Remus went a little pale at the mental image, but tried to distract himself. “If they win, you'll be the king.”

Sirius laughed. “That's not gonna happen, don't worry.”

“Why not?”

“They'll find someone else to do it. Someone more capable.”

“Nobody could be more capable than you, you've been trained since birth—”

“I don't want it, Remus!”

They stilled for a moment, and Sirius’ face was red. It wasn't like him to burst out in anger like that, and it unsettled Remus more than he cared to admit.

“Okay then,” he said carefully, leaning back a bit. “Why not?”

“I'm not—” Sirius grimaced, face still red, “I'm not good at it. Yes I've been trained and all but—I'm a disaster. All those stories we told? Chaos around the castle? I'd probably still be pulling shit like that if I hadn't—well you know, and I was never good at meeting people or formal dinners or battle strategies or duelling or politics or any of it. I'm just not cut out for it, and everyone could tell.”

Remus was quiet for a while, weighing his next words. “Is that—why your mother kicked you out?”

Sirius laughed bitterly, “No, she did everything  _ but _ kick me out for years because of that, but in the end it isn't even what did it.”

“What was? If you don't mind me asking, that is.”

Sirius looked Remus in the eyes, long and searching, and finally sighed. “I kissed a boy.”

“Oh.”

“Several boys actually, that wasn't the first time, but it was the first time it got back to her that it happened and when she asked—well I was done lying and hiding from her. It had taken me years to—to be okay with that part of myself, to reteach myself that there was nothing wrong with it and I just wanted to be able to  _ act  _ like there was nothing wrong with it too. So I told her the truth and I said I wasn't going to stop or change and—then I was escorted off the grounds. Permanently.”

“Sirius I—” Remus took Sirius’ hand again and held it. “I'm so sorry.” 

They sat like that for a while, and Sirius laid his head on Remus’ shoulder. 

“I didn't even know people were still like that,” Remus said eventually. “In low towns it's, it's completely normal. Hell, Lily used to get hit on by girls  _ constantly.  _ It was annoying, to be honest.”

“Yeah well, James seems to be taking over on that front, so I wouldn't worry too much about Lily's ego.” Sure enough, even as Remus looked over James was letting out an extraordinarily fake yawn for the purpose of putting his arm around Lily, who didn't even notice. Remus couldn't help but laugh. Sirius smiled too, humming a bit, before continuing. “But yeah, people are definitely still  _ like that _ up here. Some are okay, like James, but most people, especially the uppercrusts…” Sirius gave a wry sort of smile and took a sip of whiskey.

“That's one more reason I shouldn't take the throne,” he continued. “I'm not willing to hide that. Not from a country, long term. I mean, theoretically I'll want to get married at some point or another. But most of the aristocracy wouldn't stand for it. We'd have divisions, rebellions lead by entire provinces; it'd be much worse than this revolution they've got going here. Many more lives lost, and none of them ones who were fighting for what they believed in. In that war, the people who really thought who I kissed was worth rebelling over would never set foot on the battlefield; they'd make their poor do it. My taking the throne would do more harm than good in many, many ways.”

“So then—” Remus thought he might like to look Sirius in the eyes, but that wasn’t possible without disturbing their position with Remus’ head sandwiched between Sirius’ shoulder and head. “What are you hoping for?”

Sirius laughed. Not the good way. “Judgement day, I guess.” Remus tensed, but Sirius didn’t notice, too drunk or too worked up. “We spent all this time climbing up the mountain, but it’s nothing but downhill from here, babe.”

Remus finally lifted his head to look Sirius in the eye, the bare light making him into some sort of art, the tragic kind you didn’t want to see. “What did you just call me?”

Sirius looked at Remus, clutching his hand, but it’s as if he hadn’t heard his words. “Remus, look at this, right here.” He used his free hand to point around the room, the dim light, the half empty bottles of whiskey, James with his arm slung around Lily, Peter twirling a chess piece around in his fingers. They’re getting up to go outside and meet an ally in the dead of night, because hopeless revolutions don’t like to look at themselves under too much light. “This is our last good day. Before the revolution, before the queen finds us, before we all come tumbling.” He smiled, the same smile Remus first saw on him, selfish and arrogant, and pressed his nose into Remus’ cheek. “This is the last good day, you’re the last good thing.” And with that, he kissed Remus on the cheek. Too lingering to be sweet. 

Remus took a moment too long to process, and Sirius nearly pressed another to his neck before Remus moved away with a start. 

He memorized the sight of Sirius, face red, eyes blown, somehow hopeless and conniving all at once. He tucked the image away for the moment he needs to hate him, the senseless, desperate prince. 

“This is not the last good day.” He couldn’t quite keep the anger out of his voice, as unwise as he thought it might be to challenge Sirius in this state. “Stop acting like it’s all hopeless and there’s nothing for it. I don’t care what you do, really. Tell James you don’t want to rule. Run back to the bottom of the mountain. Overthrow your mother. Become the king, crown Lily instead, I really couldn’t give a damn. But do something, for God’s sake. Stop acting like you’re some child swept up in the cruel fate of the universe and I’m your damn teddy bear. You’re a full grown man, try pretending you know it.”

“I’m hopeless?” Sirius laughed again, cruel and mocking, “What about you? You don’t even  _ know _ what you want, you just get swept up in everything. Swept up in Lily’s hike up the mountain, swept up in the revolution, swept up into my drama. Look at you, you’re looking at me like I’m dirt and still you can’t walk away because you don’t know where you’d even want to go. Are you too mature for wanting things, Remus? God, I bet you fancy yourself some kind of enlightened monk, don’t you?”

“I do not, Sirius, stop being a—”

“Tell me one thing you actually want. I dare you.”

“ _ You _ , I thought, you  _ ass! _ ” The air in the room stilled and but Remus didn’t stop, “But look at you now, can’t blame me for being cautious, can you? You’re stable as a busted wheel!”

They’re both stood now, and several feet apart. Sirius’ fist came an inch away from the wall before he redirected it to the couch, barely stopping himself from putting a hole in James’ house. 

“Nobody wants to be with a fucking coward, Remus Lupin.”

“Funny that, I don’t remember a lit stick of dynamite being that desirable as a partner, either.”

Sirius sharpened his eyes, not knives like Lily’s but shards of broken glass. He was a creature of hurt and hurting. “Am I unstable or am I weak, Remus? You have to pick one.”

“But you’re both! You just waltz around, inflicting your emotions on everyone else and never taking responsibility for them or doing anything with them!” The words fell off of Remus’ tongue without clearance from his mind, he was shivering, he was all fight and none of flight. “You want to dance with someone? Sleep next to him? Flirt with him  _ constantly _ until he forgets how to breathe? Well far be it from you to deny yourself anything for  _ once _ in your life. Why should you? You’re never going to  _ talk _ to him, you’re never going to make a decision of your own, you’d rather just play games.”

“Don’t act like you weren’t playing too, Remus.” Sirius did an awful sort of impression of Remus’ voice, “ _ My favorite colour is the grey of your eyes, Sirius. I’ve only ever liked one person and wouldn’t you know, he fits your exact description, Sirius.  _ But never ‘Hey, Sirius, I like you a decent bit, thoughts?’ You’ll climb up the whole damn mountain ‘cause Lily’s out of things to do on a Friday night, but the moment you want something for yourself you can hardly get a sentence out.”

“You’re right, hesitating to jump your bones is the exact same as deciding you’d rather the whole world end than have to deal with any level of responsibility.”

“Oh, I forgot!” And of all the twisted, bitter, laughs Remus had heard from Sirius, none measured up to the one he let out just then, “That’s what we’re fighting about. I could hardly tell anymore, you’ve so many damn issues with me.” And with that, he stormed into James’ bedroom, where he’d been told to sleep for the night. 

Ears ringing, Remus stood still for a moment before crawling onto the couch. He curled up with his face towards the wall and back to the world, praying he’d be asleep before Lily and the others got back. 

He closed his eyes and imagined a mountain with no peak.


	5. The Palace: Twin Ripple Princes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we make apology pancakes, break into the palace, and meet Regulus.

Sirius, as a general rule, did not wake up early. On the off chance he did, he didn’t get out of bed. He was the sort to start the day as late as humanly possible, in the most extreme of senses. So when Remus woke to find him alone in the kitchen making breakfast, up before the sun, he knew Sirius hadn’t slept at all. 

Sirius looked over his shoulder to see Remus, and immediately dropped his eyes. He glanced over at Lily, who’d fallen asleep curled on the loveseat. “You two both like berries in your pancakes, right?” 

Remus nodded and moved to help him with the baking. Sirius stepped to the side to make room at the counter for him. They worked in silence for a while before Sirius mumbled, so quiet you wouldn’t hear if you were any further than Remus was right then, “I’m sorry.”

Remus froze. He was tempted to be offended by how offhand it had been, Sirius didn’t even look him in the eye when he said it. But he looked down and saw the way Sirius’ hands had forgotten what they were doing, and he felt how tense Sirius had gone beside him. Softly, so as not to wake Lily, he almost forgave him. “We were both drunk. Let’s just forget about it, yeah?”

Sirius looked like he wanted to say more, but he nodded and together they made breakfast, quietly. 

Eventually, James came out to join them. 

Immediately, Sirius brightened up to the point where you would never guess he’d been up all night. He smiled at James and threw flour at him as a ‘good morning’, leaving Remus to wonder if Sirius was a better actor than he gave him credit for. 

“How’d the meeting go?” Sirius asked when their miniature wrestling match around the kitchen had finished.

“Splendid. All our pieces have come together, today we send out messages of when and where to gather forces. We’re storming the castle in less than a fortnight.” James was glowing, like he’d just seen his child walk for the first time. 

“That’s—soon” said a notably less glowy Sirius.

Remus thought of where he’d be in a fortnight and remembered, with a twist in his stomach, that the moon was waxing. There are no woods on the top of the mountain, no places for a wolf to hide. Just barely, Remus got a sense of what Sirius had meant the awful night before. The sense that they were surrounded, enemies creeping ever closer, no escape routes.  _ Judgement day, I guess.  _ He shook his head to clear it. They’d make things work.

James, on the other hand, was practically dancing around the kitchen. Sirius looked at Remus, a bit shaky, and finding him the same. Hesitantly, he laid his hand on Remus’ elbow. He squeezed it barely, never taking his eyes off Remus, in case he wasn’t okay with that. When he made no move to the contrary, Sirius left his hand on his arm and moved his thumb back and forth gently as he faced James. 

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you—” Sirius kept his voice something trying for, but not quite reaching, casual. James turned to look at him, a grand finish to his dance. “What’s going to happen to Regulus?” 

Remus paused. He’d never heard Sirius mention the younger prince before. Even the night before, when he’d finally spoke openly about his past, his brother was never brought up. 

James too, tensed barely. “That’s a bit up to you, mate. The plan was to send the queen off to the bottom of the mountain, bit symbolic and all. It’d be wise to keep Regulus away from her, so she can’t use him as a pawn. It would also make sense to keep him in your sights, make sure he doesn’t have descendents who later challenge you for the throne. Peter suggests imprisonment, but—well, I knew you wouldn’t like that too much. I’ve ensured his fate will be up to you.”

Sirius nodded his thanks. “How has he been?” 

James started rubbing the back of his neck. “Peter isn’t watching him too closely, he’s not a target or anyone of importa—I mean, he’s not an enemy, but Peter says he’s not left his room much these past months. He’s been told you ran away, that’s what everyone’s been told, really.”

Sirius clenched his fist and went to slam it into the counter, but stopped it at the last moment. He took his other hand off Remus’ elbow and rubbed his palm, as if smoothing the anger out of it.

“I want to talk to him,” Sirius said. Just like that, the room froze.

“Sirius—” James started, voice like notes descending on a piano.

“James, please.”

Sometimes a moment doesn’t quite fit in the flow of time right. By which I mean, sometimes a person will ask a question, and you will get the sense that it was only asked because somebody wanted very badly to ask it a very long time ago, and they’ve just now gotten around to it. Sometimes moments are duplicates, or they are stolen from the future or some other place. Remus got the sense that this precise moment held the weight of every James and Sirius moment that came before it. He couldn’t tell if Sirius did it on purpose.

James sighed. “You always could beg anything out of me. I’ll talk Peter into helping you sneak in.”

Sirius smirked, immediately resuming his light-hearted manner, as if he’d simply talked James into giving him his chocolate. He turned back to making the breakfast and hummed as he tended to do. This time, Remus recognized it as a low-town song the traders liked to sing. 

_ Fluttering your lashes like ashes and embers _

_ Warm and bright as fire devouring timber _

It was a song about leaving an unhealthy love. Remus had had it in his head for a week after he’d first left Terram. It had made him feel strong, like his boots on the dirt meant something very large, like his feet were an equal match for the mountain. He wondered if it made Sirius feel the same.

Peter, as it happened, welcomed the challenge of sneaking Sirius in to meet his brother. He was a late riser, however, and had only an hour between when he woke and when he had to report to the castle, so he whisked Sirius away to discuss plans in a hurry. Lily woke in all the commotion.

She smiled to see the pancakes and kissed Remus on the cheek. He smiled in a wobbly sort of manner. “Sirius’ idea.”

Lily smiled back, but her brow furrowed just a bit. “Of course they were,” she said. She looked up and brightened up for James, as it seemed everyone was prone to do. 

They ate their breakfast together animatedly for a bit, before James said he had some errands to run, and promised to come back soon to give them a tour of the capital. At the time he left, Sirius and Peter were still away planning, which left Remus and Lily alone for the first time since reaching the top. 

  
  


The most important part of Lily is her eyes. This we know. When your eyes are a spotlight, everywhere you go becomes a theater. Lily was someone who knew the value of attention. It was a job for her, to build people up like towers with the moments she had with them. When she let her breath out, Remus knew it was because it was just the two of them. This was what has not changed, in all the miles they’ve travelled. Remus was grateful.

“We did it, Lily,” he said, the barest of smiles. “We reached the top.”

The smile that broke out on her face is genuine, and Remus knew that there was no brokenness in this dream fulfilled. “That we have, no God to be seen though.”

“Perhaps he’s gone to fetch the water.”

Lily laughed and Remus forgot there was a wolf inside of him. 

So they talked, about white marble and pink trees, about revolutions and the boys who start them, about pancakes and berries. When they spoke of the wild berries down in Terram, neither felt a pang in their chest.

Soon enough, Peter had to leave for work, so he returned Sirius to the kitchen table with a promise to make arrangements within the castle. 

Sirius was caught up in looking at a scrap of paper they’d scribbled plans on, absentmindedly eating pancakes that had long gone cold.

“We’ve got to do it tomorrow,” he said in between bites. “It’s the first of the month, she’ll be throwing her party. That means lots of people in and out and plenty of distraction. Remus, you’ll come with me?”

Remus started mid-bite. “What? Why me?”

“Because Lily, James and Peter will all be busy with revolution stuff, and it’s too dangerous to go alone. If I’m spotted and apprehended, someone needs to know so they can tell the others. Besides, I won’t be able to talk to anyone or show my face too much or someone might recognize me.”

“So I have to do all the talking?”

Sirius shrank a bit. “I mean, you don’t  _ have _ to do anything obviously. It’s up to you.”

Remus softened. “Of course I’ll go, just tell me what to do.”

  
  


The next day, he was sorely regretting saying that. Sirius wore a cap pulled over his eyes. According to James, he looked quite different from when he left, darker skin and, in his words, actual muscle. The trick was to lift his face as little as possible and stay out of crowded areas, always a step behind Remus. Remus, for his part, was scared out of his wits. Their cover was that they were florists bringing flowers for the party, so their arms were full of blooms, which Remus couldn’t stop nervously pulling the leaves off of. 

Sirius couldn’t speak without drawing attention to himself, that much was obvious and discussed, but it wasn’t until just that moment when Remus was walking between the marble walls that he realized he couldn’t speak either, with his notable low-town accent. He’d stick out like a sore thumb. Even not speaking at all, he was sure there was something that would give him away in an instant, the way he walked, the way he breathed. There was something inherently different about the people within the marble walls, and he knew they could tell he was not one of them. 

Under his breath, he whispered frantically, “Sirius, what are we going to do about my voice? My accent—”

“If somebody asks about it, just tell them you moved here recently. It’s not unheard of. It’s even technically true. Just be cool about it.”

“But Sirius, it’s not just that, it’s everything, I’m going to give us away, I can’t do this—”

“Hey—” Sirius steadied him with a hand on his hip, covered by the flowers. “You absolutely can do this. Nobody’s looking for us. We just have to act like we belong and meet Regulus in the east tower. That’s all. We can definitely do it. But if you need to turn back, it’s okay.”

“No,” Remus shifted so he could hold the flowers in one hand and Sirius’ hand with the other. Sirius looked surprised at the touch. “You’re right. We can do this. Let’s go.”

It occured to Remus that two boys holding hands was a lot more conspicuous than two boys not, but he was quite certain that his ability to remain calm and confident-looking was dependent on the touch, so he made no move to break it.

As they made their way through the hallways, they gripped each others’ hands tighter. There was something upsetting about a place so beautiful being so deeply terrifying. And it  _ was  _ beautiful. Light bouncing off the marble and flowers all about the place and the smell of baking bread and lavender and silk sashes and curtains, everything clean and in order. But oh, was it terrifying. 

For Remus, it was a simple matter. He was escorting one of his best friends through a place of such grandeur he couldn’t have even dreamed of two days prior, all with the knowledge that if they were caught, they could either of them be executed. The stress inherent to this was obvious.

But for Sirius, there is very little to describe what an odd mix of terror and dread he felt. He had thought, of course, that he would never return to the palace, and doing so, even if technically at his own volition, felt very much like having the rug pulled out from under him. He hadn’t realized what a casket of a building this was until he’d returned to it. The air wasn’t quite clear to his lungs, he choked on the ghost of his mother’s voice. He fought twitches and urges to turn around and check for her. Slowly, he felt his feet sinking into the soft mud of a toxic ocean, he felt himself drowning. The place where his hand met Remus’ was the only place for air to enter. 

As they rounded one of the final corners before the rendezvous point, a tall man with a pointy nose spotted them. 

“Excuse me,” he said. “Where are you taking those flowers?”

“The—the east tower.” Remus suddenly found his throat very tight. Sirius hid his face behind his flowers. 

“No guests will be staying in the east tower. Who told you to deliver them there?” Something about the way the man looked down his nose at them made Remus feel extremely threatened.

“A man.” Remus struggled for something that seemed less suspicious. “The one in blue.”

“The one in blue?”

Remus nodded vigorously, “We didn’t catch his name.” 

“Yes, well. You’ve been misguided. Please deliver these to the dining hall. I will not tell your superiors of your incompetence but for the future—” He looked scathingly at the two boys, who felt very much like boys at that moment, “those garments are in no way appropriate for serving the royal palace. In the future, you will dress fitting to the occasion or you will not come at all, understood?”

Remus nodded and apologized profusely and ducked past him as quickly as possible, hurrying off and almost getting away before the man with the nose said “Young boys, the dining hall is the other direction.” 

Remus grimaced, turning around slowly and turning it into a sheepish smile for the man. “Of course, our apologies.” They hurried off in the other direction, rounding a corner so that the man would not follow them. 

Lost of the course he’d memorized, Remus had to let Sirius lead the way, “We have to hurry,” he whispered. “That set us behind and we can’t miss the meeting time.”

Sirius nodded and picked up his pace slightly. He gripped Remus’ hand still tighter. “You were amazing back there,” he whispered. 

Remus’ face was already quite red, but somehow it managed to grow even more so. One would think he’d be over these tiny things by now, but he very much was not. 

Barely in time, they rounded the final corner to see him—Regulus Black, the youngest prince.

He was nearly a mirror image of Sirius when Remus had first met him, pale and curled up in a trading wagon. His eyes were narrower, he stood a bit straighter, and his shoulders were tense in a way that suggested they were always so. Other than that, Remus could imagine them as ripples on a pond, identical in opposite directions. 

Regulus froze when he saw Sirius, in a way that changed him instantly from a closed off young man to a boy. Quickly, he shifted his features back. 

“I didn’t really think you’d come,” he said. “They slipped me a note saying you’d meet me here, but—”

They stood there for a moment, in silence, just looking at each other. 

“So?” he started again. “What is it? You’ve come back for what? To explain why you left? To ask for something? I don’t hear from you in all the time you’ve been gallivanting around the mountain and now—”

“I didn’t run away.”

Regulus froze. 

“Mother kicked me out.”

“Oh.”

“I mean let’s not lie, it’s not unbelievable that I would run, I definitely thought about it but I—I wouldn’t have left you alone with her, Regulus.”

“Oh.” Regulus couldn’t seem to stop staring at Sirius, still dumbstruck to see his brother after so long. “So what finally did it?” 

“They caught me with a boy.”

“Sirius!” Regulus groaned and rolled his head back, eyes closed, fist to his forehead. “I told you to be careful with that.”

“I’ve never been very good at careful.”

Regulus smiled, an unnatural yet lovely sort of thing on him. “No, you never have.” For the first time in the conversation, he looked at Remus. “I suppose this is him?”

Sirius laughed a bit, startled and awkward, “No, no, this is Remus, my—my friend. The other boy and I weren’t together or anything. James told me they never got a name on him though, so he’s safe.”

“Well,” Regulus stuck his hand out towards Remus, “it’s a pleasure to meet you, Remus, no matter your relationship to my disaster of a brother.”

Remus laughed and shook his hand. He decided he rather liked both the princes. 

“I didn’t actually just break into the castle to introduce you to Remus though,” Sirius said.

“Didn’t you? He seems to be a worthy cause.” Regulus winked at Remus, just because he knew it would upset Sirius. He knew his brother all too well. 

“He is, he is, trust me—” Sirius took a not-so-surreptitious step between Remus and Regulus, “but what I came here to say is—you need to get out.”

Regulus and Remus both started, sufficiently distracted from their bit. This had not been part of the plan, Remus knew. He wasn’t sure exactly what Sirius had told Peter he wanted to say to Regulus, but he knew this was not it.

“What? Sirius, I understand that you’ve done fine for yourself, and believe me, I’d love to be with you, but I can’t just—” 

“You have to. Soon. You have two weeks.”

Remus tensed. This was  _ definitely  _ not part of the plan.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, Sirius laid all his cards on the table. “How much do you know of the revolution?”

Regulus’ eyes went wide. “That’s what this is about? Sirius—”

“You have less than two weeks, really. Best to get out as soon as possible. Theoretically, they’re putting me in power and giving me the rights to do with you what I want, but in case things get out of control in all the chaos, I need you to be safe. You can come back once things have settled down. Promise me you won’t be here when they come.”

“Sirius—”

“Promise me.”

“Okay, I promise.”

“Okay.” Sirius paused a moment, then pulled Regulus in for a hug and kissed him on the forehead. “You don’t have much longer before someone comes looking, do you?”

“It’s a miracle we’ve had this long, honestly.”

“Let’s not push our luck with God. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay. And Sirius?”

Sirius turned back from where he’d already started to leave. “Yeah?”

“It was good to see you again.” 

Sirius smiled back at him. “It was good to see you too, Regulus.”

And with that, Remus and Sirius made their escape.

When they’d safely made it out of the palace and started on the twisty, roundabout way back to James’ house he’d mapped out while seeing the city the day before, Remus whispered under his breath, “So, you told him everything, huh?”

Sirius left the flowers on a doorstep for someone to find when they came home. “I couldn’t risk him getting hurt.”

Remus nodded, trying to imagine how he might feel about a brother. When he couldn’t quite get it, he imagined what he’d do to protect Lily and he understood. “And he won’t say anything, of course, you just didn’t want to stress Peter out.”

“Oh no, he definitely might say something. I mean, I don’t think he will, but there’s a real possibility.”

Remus looked at him in shock, “And you couldn’t find another way to keep him safe than to put the whole revolution at risk?”

“Of all the risks this revolution is resting on, Regulus is the safest. Besides, if I’m going to be the face of a revolution, I’m allowed some liberties within it, aren’t I?”

They passed through a market full of fresh baked bread and colorful cloths and stacks of books so tall and enticing Remus almost missed what Sirius had just said. 

“So you’re doing it, then? You’ll take the crown?”

Sirius tucked a flower left in his pocket into Remus’ hair, “Mmm, maybe temporarily. One step at a time. Right now they just need a pretty face to rally behind, and there’s no face prettier than mine.”

Remus laughed, as he did so often now with Sirius. “That’s true,” he said, reaching up to touch Sirius’ cheek briefly as they walked. “You’re the fairest of them all”

Sirius grabbed his hand and kissed the back of it. “Be my prince?”

Remus laughed, but turned red and moved away. “I think there’s plenty of those at the moment, don’t you?”

Sirius deflated a bit, but he shook it off and kept walking, swinging his arms. “Just imagine—a hundred Siriuses.”

“Oh God, no!”

It was a lovely walk home, really. They saw most of the city, and some of the loveliest parts. It was a beautiful day and the leaves were changing colors. It didn’t matter a bit, though. All Remus saw was Sirius. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those lyrics are from 'Exeunt' by the Oh Hellos, which you should absolutely listen to. This fic was originally titled "On the Mountain Tall" after another one of their songs. I have hit peak self-indulgence and made a playlist for you which you can find here.


	6. A Bar: The Bravest of Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we make a speech, duel in an alley, and overhear some concerning things.

James was by no means a rich man. He had merely been a servant in the castle, after all, and he was now technically unemployed. But poor on the top of the mountain was better off than the richest of the richest at the bottom. Sometimes, when Remus was around the house, he’d simply stand in front of his small bookshelf, staring. He hadn’t dared touch the books, not knowing if it was alright. It wasn’t until he’d been there for days that James caught him staring and welcomed him to them. 

Remus’s arms reached for a book of history by their own volition before he’d even finished the words “thank you”. James just chuckled and sat down on a nearby chair.

Suddenly feeling awkward about the idea of reading in front of James, Remus sat down and tucked the book on his lap, surreptitiously running his thumb along the spine. 

“You know, you’re not the type I expected him to fall for,” James said.

“I’m sorry?”   
  


“Sirius. I thought for sure he’d go for the strong soldier type, not the cute mousy intellectual.”

Remus paused, unsure whether this was supposed to be some sort of ill-informed compliment. “James, Sirius and I aren’t together.”

James looked genuinely surprised, “You’re not? Not even a little bit? You’ve never even—”

“No!” Remus interrupted, really not wanting his mind to visit the end of that sentence. “We’re just friends.”

“Ah. Really? I apologize for the assumption, then. I just thought, the way he looks at you—” Remus began praying for the ground to swallow him whole, but James kept talking. “Well I suppose it’s for the best anyway. I love Sirius, he’s my best mate and like a brother, but I’ll be the first to admit he’s a disaster in relationships. I wouldn’t want things going awkward with you, you’re a good friend.”

Remus had certainly never called a man ‘friend’ after knowing them only a few days, but then again, he’d never broken into the palace either until just the day before. He smiled and set his book aside to play a game of cards with his friend James. 

  
  


Revolutions were, apparently, a highly political affair.

“James, you know how I feel about speeches—”

“Negatively, I know, but it’s just this one, and it’s only for the squadron leaders, if we’re asking them to lead an army into battle, they need to know the new leader they’re fighting for. Some of these people you already know, a lot are old knights from the castle, old friends who are loyal to you, Dirk Cresswell, Davey Gudgeon—”

“They liked you, not me.”

“We were a package deal, it’s essentially the same thing.”

“Not when they’re entrusting the welfare of the entire kingdom to me, it’s not. James, we both know me opening my mouth is only going to make things worse—”

“I’ve already got a whole speech written for you, you don’t have to worry about what to say.”

Sirius paused, out of arguments.

“Sirius please,” James continued, seeing his opportunity. “This is really important.”

It was to Sirius’ distinct disadvantage to have this argument in the kitchen, where Remus was. Remus looked at him from the table and only raised his eyebrows before Sirius had given in.

“Okay. Okay. Show me this speech.”

  
  


The next few days left Remus and Lily in stitches from laughing so hard. Sirius was, without a doubt, the worst public speaker on the whole of the mountain. 

Remus tried so hard to reconcile the image he had of snarky, sweet talking ‘ _ if you need an army, sign me up’  _ Sirius with the stuttering red faced Sirius who couldn’t say ‘storm the barricade’. He wasn’t even in front of a crowd yet, but apparently just the thought of it rendered him incoherent.

He’d practiced this over 30 times at least, but by the time they were walking to the back alley bar for the rally, constantly looking over their shoulders as they go, Sirius was practically shaking from the nerves. Remus took his hand. Sirius smiled softly.

The bar was full, beyond full. Everything was shades of browns and ambers. The wood of the walls and floor, the tables, the beer, the skin of the revolutionaries, even Lily’s hair started to look more auburn in the golden sort of light. Sirius stood out like a bull at sunday service. All eyes turned to him as he walked in the door. He waved, oh so awkwardly, with his mouth screwed up like a corkscrew. James jumped in and everyone was happy to see him and to meet his pretty friend Lily. 

Sirius was relieved to have eyes off him, but he was still clutching Remus’ hand like a lifeline. 

Remus tried to make light of it, “I don’t know how they own a room like that. They’re magic, they are.”

Sirius was stiffly staring at the crowd when finally he muttered in some form of response, “I can’t do it.”

“Of course you can, you’ve practiced this for days, constantly, you could give this speech in your sleep.”

“It’s not just the speech I can’t—I can’t  _ be him.” _

“What do you mean? Who?”

“The prince.”

“Sirius, you are the prince. It was a whole ordeal.”

“No, I mean. I’m Sirius. There’s Sirius and there’s Prince Sirius and he’s awkward and bad and gross and he never knows what to do with his elbows. I don’t like him. I don’t like being him.”

Remus sighed, understanding all at once. He pulled Sirius towards him and put his free hand to his cheek, leaning in so their foreheads touched. “You’re still Sirius,” he said, “no matter what. Princely or not. Whether these guys hate you or try to kiss your feet. If you serve as king for a transitional period or your whole life, you’re still Sirius. Nobody can take that away from you.”

Sirius breathed in a shaky sort of breath and nodded. “You’re right. You’re right. Thank you.”

Remus made a move to back away, but Sirius grabbed his hand and kept it pressed to his cheek, keeping them in their little bubble for a minute more. “Remus, did—did you mean it? What you said the other night, in James’ living room—”

“What? No, of course not, we were so drunk Sirius, we both said awful things but I was wrong, Sirius. You’re not weak and you’re not unstable. You’re good and you’re—you’re solid and you’ll make a great leader or not if you don’t wa—”

“No, I meant—I meant the other thing, when I asked you to, to tell me something you wanted and you said—”

“Sirius!” James snuck up on them with a big slap on the shoulder. “I think everyone’s here, it’s go time.” 

“Right. Right.” He looked at Remus uncertain, but allowed himself to be led away.

James helped him up onto a table, and the way Sirius stood half-sure reminded him of a village girl in pointed heels for the first time. The crowds had forgotten Sirius’ entrance and busied themselves with their own conversations and James had to shout to get their attention.

With eyes finally on him, Sirius coughed and began reciting his speech, mostly to the back wall.

“Ladies and Gentlefolk, people of the mountain. I look at you today and I see a deserving people. In fact, I see leaders of vast amounts of a deserving people, our citizens who have for so long been wanting. And not for fair reason.” 

And then, a miracle happened. Sirius looked the crowds in the eye. He did not shake.

“Your queen has been neglecting you for decades and it ends here. It ends tonight. It ends with us. I have experienced the ill-treatment, the apathy of the queen first hand, but I do not pretend to be alone in this. For every lash on my back there were two on yours. Our children will not say the same.”

Cheers began to ring out through the bar, and Remus thought maybe Sirius had underestimated the sort of prince he was.

“I may have been thrown out of my home, but in doing so my mother, the heartless queen made the worst mistake she could have possibly made. For I have seen the mountain. From the very bottom, a town named Terram the size of a toenail to the very top where I stand today with the bravest of hearts. I have met my people, something the queen cannot say of herself and ladies and gentlefolk, our people are  _ strong. _ Our people are  _ brave.  _ Our people deserve better and they are willing to fight for the life they deserve. I am willing to fight for the life they deserve. So my question is, are you?”

Remus had, by that point, been to about half the bars on the mountain. He had never heard one so loud. 

Some of them were simply yelling variants of “yeah!” or chanting Sirius’ name, some were shouting challenges back and forth at each other as some form of bizarre hyping ritual, and some were shouting questions up at Sirius. 

James really hadn’t prepared Sirius for further questioning, but he was so hyped up from his not-a-disaster speech that he happily began to answer them.

“What will you do with the rule?”

“Well lessen my own power, first.” This gets a laugh, Remus doesn’t quite think the crowds understand Sirius’ full meaning, but the answer still stands true.

“We’ll make leadership a much more democratic and collaborative process, focusing on enriching and supporting the lower towns and even the lower class towards the top. Other than that, I’m open to suggestions, that’s what I need you for.”

This seems to be the right answer. If Remus were to take a guess, he’d gamble that the generals not only appreciate the clear respect for the intention of the revolution, but the insinuation that they would continue to be valued after the war. 

“Where will you be during the battle?”

“Wherever James tells me to be.” Again, this is technically true, only Remus knew full well that James was planning on keeping Sirius well hid away during the battle, for perfectly good reason. 

“So why’d she do it? Why’d she kick you out?”

Sirius, glowing and all too proud, didn’t hesitate a moment. “She found out I was kissing boys. Quite a sound reason, isn’t it? Because that sort of thing really affects your ability as a leader.”

The one time he should have lied, of course Sirius told the whole truth and nothing but, with a bit of sarcasm thrown in to make it all the worse. Sirius was still on fire, so he didn’t see it at first, but Remus did not miss the way the generals shoulders tense, the faces they made, their slow steps away.

James, thankfully, stepped in. He laughed good naturedly, as if to remind the generals that Sirius had said something funny, and that was the correct response. When that didn’t work, he swiftly thanked the generals for their time and reminded them that it’s late, making excuses about getting a good night's rest for the rigorous day of planning tomorrow. He helped Sirius off the table and hurried them all out the door, digging around in his sack for Sirius’ cloak.

They hurried off into the night, across the cobblestone streets, the long way home and then some because they couldn't afford to be followed. They twisted and turned, but out of the corner of Remus’ eye there was always an older man in a cloak, tall and slowly gaining on them until he was 10 feet behind. 

Remus finally looked back to try and identify the man, but barely had time to even shout before the man started running, pulling his sword from his side and pointing it straight at Sirius’ back.

No, Remus did not have time to shout, but he did have time to jump between the sword and Sirius. 

A sharp pain ran through his side, and it  _ stung _ . It did not feel at all like what he would imagine a stabbing to feel like. This was just a cut from a kitchen knife, except big and a million times worse. 

Lily caught him, shouting from either anger or terror or both, Remus wasn’t sure. Lily might not have been sure. James pulled his sword from his side and tossed it to Sirius, who caught it like Lily would catch someone’s hand in a dance, smooth and thoughtless. Sirius didn’t even look at James, but immediately set to work against the cloaked man, jaw tight. 

Even the way Sirius fought was more a dance than anything, and Remus was struck by the funny thought of Sirius as a ballerina. But just like a dance, it would be nothing if not for the blatant fire in his veins. God, he moved so fast, and he looked so mad, madder than Remus had ever seen him, even on that first night in James’ house. He was furious. Remus assumed he was getting his frustration from the speech gone wrong out of his system, maybe even projecting the broken society that hated him onto his attacker. Remus did not think about the pain in his side.

Sirius backed him up against a wall and knocked the attackers sword out of his hands, kicking it off to the side. The young prince bore no sweat, showed no signs of exertion, only calmly pointed his sword at the assailants chest with a face of stone. The cloaked man raised his hands in the air. 

“Go home,” Sirius said, steady as the bedrock down in Terram, lofty as the tallest turret of the palace, unimpressed. 

The man scurried off into the shadows, leaving his sword behind. 

Immediately, Sirius dropped his sword and moved to Remus’ side in one fluid motion, holding his hand and frantically scrutinizing his wound. Lily batted his hands away.

“What would you know about healing?” she said, not bothering with a congratulations on the victory. “I’m a doctor, git, let me work”

“You’re a midwife, it’s different.”

“Yeah and you’re a jackass, big whoop. Get out of the way.” 

So he did, he moved aside to make room for Lily, but he kept hold of Remus’ hand. Lily wrapped him up with her scarf and had James, who was by far the strongest of the party, carry Remus home so she could clean the wound. As soon as Remus was laid on the kitchen table, Lily gave him something that made the world go black.

  
  


“It’s not going to work, James, not after tonight.” This was Peter, Remus recognized. His eyes drifted open for just long enough to see Sirius at his side, sleeping with his head on the wood of the table and his hand tangled in Remus’, but it was far too bright and his head, his side, his everything hurt, so he closed his eyes again.

“It has to,” whispered James. Apparently they had not noticed that Remus had woken. “Only so many people are experienced and educated enough to lead the country through the transition. He’s the only one we have. Besides, if he doesn’t take the crown, what happens to him?”

“James, I know he’s your friend, but the revolution is bigger than that, we have to be practical. I don’t like it any more than you do, but the kingdom simply won’t accept him now that his history with men is out. Even the half hearted support he might get won’t be enough, we need someone universally loved and respected, someone strong. General Riddle is still an option.”

“Riddle? No way in hell, you know what he’s like. He thinks the low-towns are scum of the earth, he doesn’t give two shits about the poor, he’s nearly as bad as the queen.”

“So he gives priority to the educated, that’s how societies thrive. I’ll admit, he’s not ideal, but he’s not the queen. He could aid in the transition, he wouldn’t have near as much power as the queen, we could keep him in check.”

“He goes against everything this revolution stands for—”

“ _ James _ ! Get off your high horse for  _ one second _ and look around you! A man is  _ bleeding _ on your kitchen table. If we keep propping up Sirius, you’ll be next. We have to make it out of this alive, and Sirius is a noose around our necks—”

“So what, you’ll hand the country over to a pig and let Sirius die to save your own ski—”

Sirius stirred, moving his head to the other side and saying something that sounded a lot like “remiss”. James and Peter quieted. 

“I’m going to bed. It’s been a long day and tomorrow will only be longer. Have a good night, James.”

James groaned, and Remus’ world faded to black again. 


	7. James' House: One Week Left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which plans are made, and also promises.

The next time Remus woke up, the sun was shading the windows pink and the only one beside him was Sirius, a rumpled and bleary eyed prince ever still holding his hand.

“How are you feeling?” Sirius asked, seemingly unaware of how disheveled he looked.

“Chipper as a bluebird, why wouldn’t I be?” Remus laughed a little, but it hurt his side more.

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows and asked if Remus wanted him to go get Lily. Remus shook his head slightly, and was relieved to find his headache gone. Encouraged, he sat up, slowly, wincing all the way. Sirius looked like it hurt him more than Remus. 

Eventually, Remus got him to stop fussing and make them breakfast. He made pancakes, like the first morning there. Remus wondered what he was apologizing for this time. 

  
  


James came out, always early to rise, and if Remus hadn’t known better he’d think the man had not a care in the world, laughing and shoving Sirius, cracking jokes about Remus on the breakfast table. But Remus did know better, so he saw the shading—the bags beneath James’ eyes, the tension in his shoulders. There was one week left, he knew, and it was hidden in the breath between every word James said. Only when Lily came out did the storm around him calm even a little bit.

Immediately, Lily began checking up on Remus, changing his bandages, checking for fever. She reminded him to spend the day resting, shooting a pointed glance at James, who surely would have Remus running errands if he could.  _ One week left. _

It’s odd, Remus thought, that Lily was not as worried as James and Peter appeared to be. She was all bright smiles and wide eyes. Ah yes, Lily and her eyes, big enough to heap a mountain on her plate, ready to swallow it whole. 

Perhaps this was the difference: that Lily wanted but had nothing. If her head came off somewhere in the chaos, the red dripping down her collar like a necklace would only tell a story. Lily would gladly lose her life to give it some sort of meaning. This was the first time it had ever occurred to Remus to be really, truly frightened for Lily. 

So James fought because he could fight one of the two battles: the one with every evil in the world at large or the one with a guilt eating at his heart. Lily fought because she made it to the top of the mountain and found no God, so she made one for herself. Peter fought at first because he’d been too clever for a life in the kitchens, and now because he was in too deep. 

Remus asked himself why he fought, for when the time came, there was no doubt in his mind where he’d be standing. His first thought was that he was simply fighting because of his present company, that he didn’t have much of a choice, but that didn’t strike right.

He thought of his mother dying of a fever, and the first day he’d seen the medicine sold in the marketplace on the mountaintop. How he’d stopped dead in his tracks. The money it was worth seemed to be nothing now, not even half of what Peter made in a day. But if he thought back to a few months before, all but another life now, he knew his family would have had to save a year for it. Of course no trading wagon had ever brought it down to them, it wouldn’t have mattered; it only made his mother’s death that much worse, to see a cure they couldn’t afford. 

He thought of the ribs he could see on the children up here, of James emptying out his pockets buying bread for them, of all the platters of food he saw filing into the castle for the monthly feast. He thought of the woman giving birth on the side of the road, of Lily stopping in her tracks to help deliver the baby, of the scars on Sirius’ back. 

He thought of Sirius. He thought of Sirius climbing up the mountain, beneath him on a hay bale in the setting sun, growing darker and more defined with the work of the traders. He thought of Sirius whispering to him in the night, saying Remus was more than the wolf inside him, saying it didn’t matter, if the wolf did not kill him the queen would. He thought of Sirius early in the morning, making apology pancakes, late at night, standing on a table with fire in his eyes, moving men to a rebellion he’d said was hopeless. 

Remus wasn’t sure if Sirius would still count it hopeless. He wasn’t sure if he would count it hopeless himself. Maybe it didn’t matter. Whatever they fought for or if they thought they’d win, they were fighting all the same. Remus looked at his friends around him, dancing on glass, laughing around the table. No, it didn’t matter much at all. 

It’s a good thing Remus got that sorted then, for the moment after James looked at him and asked him if he’d be fine guarding the back palace exit when the day came. Remus was already nodding when Lily started coughing up a storm, staring directly at Remus.

Remus blinked, wondering what she was getting at.

Lily sighed. “Aren’t you going to be a little  _ busy _ that night?”

It took Remus far too long. He didn’t know how he could have even forgotten in the first place. “Oh.”

“Yeah.  _ Oh _ .”

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Really? It’s happening  _ that _ night?”

“Would SOMEbody—” said James, “like to explain to me what plans Remus could possibly have the same night we overthrow the monarchy?”

“I was planning on turning into a blood thirsty wolf.” 

James stared at him. “Oh,” he said. “Well, if that’s all.”

“I’m a werewolf.”

James’ eyes took him in slowly, as if painting a new version of Remus in his mind, one that was braver, darker, wiser. Peter’s eyes took him in as fast as they could, as if he was one of the cakes in the palace kitchen, ready to be eaten.

“Fascinating,” said Peter, eyes going wide as Lily’s. “I thought those were a myth. You’re sure?”

“Yes, quite.”

“Well this works quite well then.”

“I’m sorry?”

Peter cleared his throat. “Well, not to be insensitive of course, but a wolf should prove to be a significantly preferable asset in combat than, well. Have you ever even held a sword, mate?”

Remus grew sick in his stomach. “I won’t be eating people. I’ll fight for the revolution, I swear, but I won’t let the wolf bite anyone. I won’t.”

Peter shrugged. “We might not have to. If nothing else, it’s a wicked scare tactic. James, figure out how to use him, yeah? I’ve gotta get to work.” And with that, he shoved his last bite in his mouth and hurried out the door, already late. 

  
  


The day began, everyone flowing in and out of the house on various errands. Even Sirius was not exempt from the organizing. Now that Remus was bedridden, Sirius was the one to accompany Lily on every run she made across the city. Remus almost missed it, from his spot on the couch. When James collapsed on the chair beside him between trips, it was a relief to have someone to talk to. 

“So,” Remus began, almost jokingly, “have you figured out how to best utilize my furry little problem?”

James suddenly did not seem to want to meet Remus’ eyes, preferring to stare straight across the living room. “Actually…. I, um, might have a plan. That is, if you’re comfortable with it. You’re not a weapon to be used, I know, but I thought you might—”

None of this was what Remus expected. “Oh, well, um. If you’ve a plan, let’s hear it then.”

James blushed, a dark red on his brown skin. “Well, see, we need a way to keep Sirius safe. The plan was to sneak him into the palace before the battle and hide him in one of the secret dungeons beneath the castle. Peter is actually getting the keys today. But, that won’t guarantee his protection, we don’t know how many keys to the dungeons there are and we can’t track them all down.”

Remus tried not to think about the queen and Sirius down, down, down in the dungeons, with only a few metal bars between them. The queen twisting the key, Sirius surrounded by stone, no one to hear him scream. 

“So naturally, we need to find someone to guard the cell, but we can’t really spare the manpower, and there’s not many we could trust.”

“You want me to...?”

“Yes.”

“But what if I—what if I hurt him?”

“That’s the beauty of it, see. The wolf won’t be able to get to Sirius in the cell, and it’s unlikely anyone will come down to that level of the prisons at all. Few even know it exists, much less would think to look there for the prince. If someone does come, they’ll take off running before the wolf can touch them. Hopefully before they even see Sirius there.”

It made sense. Perfect sense really. “Are you sure Peter won’t want me in the thick of the battle?”

James hesitated again. “There’s no way to guarantee that the wolf will know friend from foe in combat. Besides, this morning you didn’t seem particularly keen on, er, ‘eating people’, as it were.”

Remus was silent, staring at James, who was staring at the ceiling. What kind of heart must you have, he wondered, to give your life to a cause and not lose your humanity to it? Twin ripple princes, wicked queen, starving children, honey tongued traders, sick mothers, and James, a good man, just wanting the best for all of them. 

“Thank you,” he finally said, and James nodded, but shifted his gaze to the floor.

“Speaking of Peter, he’s going to think you’re guarding the back exit.”

Remus’ eyebrows shot up beneath his curls. “We’re going to lie to him?”

James winced. “I—yes. That’s what we’re going to do.”

_ Sirius is a noose around our necks,  _ Peter had said. Remus remembered. Apparently James did too. 

They are quiet for a while after that. James rose and moved to go out into the city again, rest from the work over, when Remus spoke up.

“If I’m down in the dungeons with Sirius, I won’t be able to protect Lily.”

James nodded, slow and solemn. Remus wondered if James would ever let Sirius see this face, or if he refused to give him anything but joy. “You have my word, Remus, I won’t let any harm come to Lily. Not ever. I’ll protect her until the day I die.” With that, he dashed out the door, leaving Remus with his promise. The end of it rang out, more than a promise for the next week. It sounded like a wedding vow. 

  
  


The night before the full moon, the night before the end of the world, Remus and Lily sat on the back step behind the house. Remus had so many questions he wanted to ask:  _ Is it everything you always wanted? Does it taste like glory in your mouth? Or just death? Do they taste the same to you? _

And there were many things he wanted to say:  _ You’re my best friend, You’re my sister, I don’t want you to die, please don’t die.  _

But this is not how one conducts a conversation, so instead he simply said, “James is sweet on you, you know.”

Lily nodded, looking off into the night.

“Well? Why haven’t you kissed him yet? He’s just your type.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not? If it’s the rebellion, frankly you both could do to blow off some ste—”

“It’s him.”

“What do you mean? Is there something wrong with him?”

“No, he’s—” Lily laughed something bitter and sad, a sigh in spirit. “You know how I always said one day I was going to fall in love?” Remus' eyes widened, and Lily shrugged. “It’s him.”

“...That’s great?”

“That’s terrifying.”

Remus paused for a good long while, trying to understand before giving up and laughing until both his sides hurt, not just the one the sword hit. “I’m sorry, that’s what’s terrifying about your situation right now? Out of everything? Loving James?”

This time, Lily laughed too and they laugh like they did in Terram, when it was just to pass the time on long and empty days. 

“Not that you have any leg to stand on though,” Lily said once she’s caught her breath.

“What do you mean?”

Lily let out one more laugh,.“If I’m terrified of loving James, Sirius has you scared out of your wits.”   
  


The air left Remus’ lungs. He filled them back up slowly,  _ inhale, exhale. _ “I think we’re cursed,” he said once he’s steadied out. 

Lily shrugged, unable to confirm nor deny. “Perhaps. All the best lovers are. You’ve still got me, though. You’ve always got me.”

Remus smiled and kissed her temple, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. “I’ll hold you to that.”

He did not say it, but they both heard the code in the message:  _ stay alive for me.  _


	8. The Secret Dungeons: A Royal Flush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we play a game of cards and are visited by General Riddle.

The day when it all happened was not the first of the month, so there was no party to allow Remus and Sirius to sneak into the palace. Peter had to smuggle them in in a wheelbarrow, hidden underneath sacks of flour. Sirius had been told that Remus was going to help Sirius get situated and then lie in waiting in the pastures behind the castle until the battle began and the moon took him. It might have been selfish to wish Remus was staying with him, it might have been, but Sirius couldn’t help but feel it anyway.

Is that not what they were for each other? A hand to hold when the world was slipping? Sirius thought of his first steps back in the capital, then his first steps back in the palace. He thought of that awful night when Remus caught the sword with his side, the sword that was aimed at Sirius. Remus seemed to have forgotten where the sword was supposed to land. Sirius had not. 

So that is what they were, whispered comforts, desperate grips. That is what they were. That was all.  _ That was all that was all that was—.  _ Oh, but Sirius wished, as hard as he tried to remind himself. He thought of standing in a river, almost at the top of the mountain, and all the things he should have said. That first night at the top of the mountain, Remus might have spoke out of anger, but Sirius kept some of the words for himself. They were neither of them perfect men, he and Remus. He didn’t know why Remus stayed in the business of self-denial, perhaps he never would. As for himself, he wanted to learn. Instead of letting life carry him like a river, knocking him over, scaring him silent, he wanted to learn to swim. He wanted to learn to stand against the currents, he wanted to learn to speak with water in his mouth, he wanted. He wanted to stop being a coward. He did. 

One thing at at time. First, the crown. If he survived, he’d see about the rest. 

Sirius sighed, steadying himself, and looked at the wheelbarrow. It was time to begin. He cracked a smile at Remus and offered him a hand into the wheelbarrow. “My lady.”

Remus shoved him away with a laugh and climbed in himself. Sirius joined him and slowly they were buried in bags of flour. They heard a loud grunt and complaint from Peter, and then they were moving. Everything was so muffled that Sirius hadn’t even realized they were on palace grounds until Peter stopped to open the door to the kitchens. They’d come before dawn, in the dark of the early morning to hide themselves. Slowly, after Peter has checked that the coast is clear and unloaded the flour, Remus and Sirius rose, pulling their cloaks tight around them. Peter handed Sirius a piece of parchment.

Sirius burst into a grin, recognizing it instantly. “Our map! The one James and I made!”

Peter nodded, shushing him a little. “Yes. You can find the secret dungeons with this?”

Sirius nodded, and Peter nodded, and suddenly nodding was a terribly solemn affair. 

Peter pulled a key from his pocket and handed it to Sirius as well. “Do not let anyone else hold this. Not James, not Remus, not Lily. There’s no guarantee they’ll be there to release you at the end of the night. But if you keep the key with you, you should be safe and be able to let yourself out when the coast is clear. One of us should come to you when the battle is won, but should you need to let yourself out, ensure that you can.”

Sirius nodded and slipped the key in his pocket. “You’re a good man, Peter Pettigrew.”

Something pained flickered across Peter’s face, but he only nodded, and Remus and Sirius headed on their way.

It was easier, somehow, walking through the castle through the dark and secret passageways. It held more of he and James running, laughing breathless than it did of—everything else. All the same, when Remus reached his hand out, Sirius was grateful. 

Sirius had only been to the secret dungeons once, the time he and James had stumbled upon them by accident. They were simply interested in making their map, and once the dungeons were properly documented, there was no reason to return. He remembered the feeling of it though, from all those years before. Even with nobody in there, it held a haunted feeling, like those walls had seen unspeakable things done to men, women, perhaps even children, and they would tell no soul nor care at all if they witnessed the same done to you. Every once in a while you would feel a grab at your ankle or a tug at your arm. It stood to reason that many perished here whose souls could find no peace, not after what they’d suffered in these dungeons. Remus shuddered. Sirius wished he were far away from here, this was far beyond what Remus had signed up for. 

“I wouldn’t blame you if you ran,” Sirius said to him. “Went to stand in the back pastures and then just kept going. You didn’t ask for the revolution.”

Remus tilted his head to the side, as if surprised. “No, I didn’t, but I believe in it now. Do you?”

Sirius nodded. “I believe in change, at least.” He shrugged. “This may be all I can give it.”

“Well if you can take the crown for it, the least I can do is stick around for one night. Besides, if I ran, who would protect you?”

Sirius laughed. “I’m a fearsome prince, remember? I can protect myself. You should be getting out to the back, before sunrise. Here, take the map. Now what you’re gonna wanna do is—”

Remus shoved the map back at him. “No, Sirius, there’s—there’s been a change of plans. I’m staying here.”

They stood there for a moment, across from each other. Sirius couldn’t remember when he had let go of Remus’ hand, perhaps a ghost pulled them apart without notice.

“Does Peter know about this change of plans?”

“No, but James does.”

“James?”

“It was his idea.”

“And you didn’t tell Peter?”

Remus hesitated. “He didn’t need to know.”

They were still, and then Sirius took a deep breath. “Okay, let’s do this, then.” He pulled out the key and stepped through the door, locking himself on the other side of the bars. Remus pulled out a deck of cards. 

They played all the same games they had played in the back of the trading wagons, ages ago, it seemed now. Sirius reached through the bars to draw his cards. They did their best to speak as if they were still there, somewhere on their way up the mountain.

“Do you wish we’d never reached the top?” Remus asked, when he was tired of speaking of flowers and berries in pancakes. 

Sirius was so still at the question that at first Remus wasn’t sure he was heard. “What do you mean?”

“I mean—” Remus looked at his fingers, holding their fan of cards. “Obviously we’re here now and we believe in the revolution and we’re ready to fight for it but—well, it was easier, wasn’t it? Before the war was real, when we had nowhere to go but up. All we had to worry about was getting our work done, and whether or not we would ever—whether we would ever—well we just had to worry about the three of us, didn’t we? Not the whole country. Sometimes I wish the mountain were just a little bit taller, so we could still be going up.”

Sirius nodded, drawing a card. “It was nice…not being the prince for a while…just being, well you and Lily’s friend, I suppose.”

They played their game in silence for a while, so long that when Remus spoke up again it took Sirius a moment to remember what they are speaking about. “The best part of going up was the not knowing.”

“Hm?” Sirius lays down a set of queens. 

“All the mystery of it. Not knowing what was at the top of the mountain. Some days I really believed that the streets were made of gold, or that you could touch the clouds, or see God. Other days I barely believed the mountain had a peak. And I liked the mystery of you. Not knowing who you were, where you came from, how you felt.” He laid down a set of tens with a joker and laughed a bit, the way one does at folly from long ago. “I was happiest I’d ever been, just thinking we might find our way together. By the time we reached the top, I knew that would never happen. Uncertainty is nice sometimes.”

Sirius froze, his hand on the deck still. His blood was cold and hot, stomach flipping over and over, but he kept his voice even. “It’s a two way street, you know.”

“I’m sorry?”

“You told me once not to be so hopeless. I may be a fuck up now, but I’m fixing it, yeah? One day maybe I’ll be good enough for you and you won’t have found someone else and there won’t be a damn war and…I just mean we’ve got a shot, Remus. You told me to stop being hopeless and fight for what I wanted. It’s a two way street, Remus.”

Sirius said all this, and then drew a card.

“But you—I told you how I felt and you never—”

“But you still knew I felt the same, didn’t you?”

For the first time since this thread of conversation began, Remus looked up at Sirius. With his hand held out to draw a card, he froze like a deer with lights in his eyes. Slowly, he nodded. 

“Maybe I’m a coward,” Sirius said. “Maybe I’m an unstable, miserable coward. Maybe you didn’t fight hard enough. Maybe we were dealt a shitty, shitty hand. Maybe the Queen has legions of soldiers and we have a baker, a midwife, and some low-towners with too much time on their hands. Maybe we’ll lose today. Maybe we’ll lose the next battle and the one after that and I’ll chicken out every time I want to kiss you. But none of it’s hopeless, never that.” 

Sirius laid all his cards down. A royal flush. 

There was a moment, when all was still and Remus had so many things to say, so many things to ask, so many ways to touch Sirius he was trying to decide between. But then the bells ring. There were intruders in the castle. Night had fallen. The battle had begun. 

I don’t know who moved first, all I know is it happened very fast, one moment apart and the next met at the bars, kissing like armageddon. The cards went flying, sprawled across the stone floor. Remus threaded his hands in Sirius’ hair, Sirius grabbed Remus’ shirt into a fist against his chest. Remus began to flinch and spasm, and they both knew the wolf would not be held inside skin much longer. They pulled apart, gasping for air, and Sirius placed one last kiss on Remus’ nose before retreating to the back of the prison cell where the wolf could not reach him. 

And so it began.

  
  


At first, it was all Sirius could do to hold his fingers to his lips and relive the moment over and over, but then Remus was transforming and he remembered with a start that he promised, long ago, not to watch, so he covered his eyes. As the growls of the wolf grew louder, the sounds of the battle began above. Sirius heard a shout that sounded frighteningly like James and uncovered his eyes immediately, rising to his feet out of instinct. 

The wolf noticed him, but did not growl, only looked at him. There was none of Remus in this wolf, but it seemed as if he had his memories enough to know a friend. But then he was distracted, biting at the air around his leg. Sirius watched him run around the small space outside the prison cells, biting at thin air and eventually his own legs and tail, trying to get rid of the spirits. It hurt Sirius just to watch but he couldn’t look away. He frantically looked around for something to distract Remus, finally landing on some rocks to toss, hoping the wolf will go after them instead of himself. He did, so Sirius spent hours picking loose pebbles off the dungeon floor while the battle raged on above him. 

It was when he was down to a few dozen pebbles that the steps come. One pair, two pair, three pairs of feet, down the steps to the dungeons.

“Peter said he’d be here?”

Sirius recognized this voice, Duke Malfoy, a pretentious prick by all means. 

“Yes, the prince should be in here waiting patiently for us, alone and unarmed.” 

Sirius’ blood ran cold. That was General Riddle. 

“General, say you’ll let me drag the body out to the battle, show it to all his little friends.”

The final voice was Duchess Lestrange, a cousin with wild hair and wild eyes. The wolf was moving slowly towards the voices. 

“No,” said General Riddle. “The rebels can never know it was we that killed him. Once the queen is killed, it must appear as though both of the rightful heirs died in battle. Only then can the Pettigrew boy put me forth as candidate for King.”

“What about the young Prince Regulus?” Malfoy asked.

“He left the palace days ago and has yet to be found. We will find and dispose of him later.” With that, they rounded the final corner and Sirius could see them, in cloaks of black, unlocking the gate to the dungeons. But they did not see the wolf.

They did not see the wolf until they had swung the gate open and something leaped out at General Riddle. It scraped at his face, his eyes, dug into his stomach and legs. As Malfoy and Lestrange screamed, it leaped at them too, digging its claws into their legs as they ran away. Riddle shouted up at them to come back and help him, but they did not. 

With this, the wolf collapsed on the ground, writhing in pain until Sirius opened his eyes to see Remus lying on the ground, cuts on his legs and arms, blood dripping down his clothes. 

Sirius pulled the key out of his pocket to unlock his cell and rushed to the ground beside Remus. He held Remus’ face in his hands, he took his pulse, he held his hand. He tore off his shirt and used it to bandage some of the cuts. Finally, Remus stirred, and Sirius had to hastily wipe the tears from his eyes. 

“Hey,” said Remus, sounding innocent and sleepy, unaware of the night they’d survived. 

“Hey,” was all Sirius could say before he leaned down to kiss Remus, the sort of kiss you give when you were afraid you might not get to. 

“Careful,” Remus laughed, raising his eyebrows a bit. He finally saw Riddle.

“Oh God,” Remus paled. “Did I do that?”

Sirius shook his head and tried to bring Remus’ eyes back to him, away from the body. “The wolf did that. He’s alive, unbit, just torn to shreds. And he deserves it. That’s General Riddle. He and others came to kill me in the night.”

Remus stared up at him, wide-eyed. “How did he know to find you here?”

“Peter sold us out”

Remus let out a string of curses, but the end of it was drowned out by the cheers from above. 

Remus smiled up at Sirius. “I think we won, Sirius.”

Sirius laughed. “That's King Sirius now.”

“No.” Remus smiled softly. “You’re still Sirius. You'll always be Sirius to me.”

As Sirius leant down to kiss him, he heard footsteps bounding down the stairwell again and tensed only to see James grinning wide, gripping Lily’s hand. 

They were pushing each other and laughing until they saw the scene. Lily wilted slowly, but James shifted into stone.

He pointed to Riddle, still unconscious on the ground. “Peter told him?” 

Sirius nodded. James’ jaw tensed, and he nodded, and that was all. For a man who made a theater out of life, he turned out to be devoid of drama in these saddest moments. 

“And Remus is okay?”

Remus gave a feeble nod and thumbs up. 

“Good, then I’ll go deal with Peter.” Only then did Sirius notice the blood stained on James’ side, “You stay here and keep safe.”

“Wait!” Sirius jumped up and ran over to twist his arms around James. “I’m really glad you’re alive.” He said into James’ neck.

“I’m glad you are too.” James held Sirius face in his hand and kissed his forehead. “Keep it that way for me, yeah?”

So they sat around and healed, Lily even wrapping up the worst of General Riddle while she told stories of the battle. 

Somewhere in stories that were farthest from bedtime tales, the restless night caught up with him, and Sirius fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No officer I don't have any idea what game they're playing, thanks for asking. It's an Undisclosed Fantasy Game with Vague Similarities To Poker. 
> 
> Anyway, they finally got their shit together! Next chapter we get our happy ending.


	9. The Happy Ending: Hope Runs Wild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lily becomes God, Remus stops making excuses for himself, and Sirius says "yes". Also, there is an epilogue.

After the storm, days gone by, Remus and Lily sat on the steps of the palace and talked for hours and hours.

“Riddle should heal up fine, I don’t know what they intend to do with him and frankly, I hope it’s something awful, but no matter what, he won’t die by the wolf’s hands.” Lily said, because Remus had said nothing, but she knew he was worried.

“That’s good to know. More importantly, how is James?” Remus asked, because Lily had said nothing, but he knew she was worried. 

“He’ll be okay. Really the only thing still healing is the wound on his side from that dagger he took for me—”

“Woah, he did what? Lily, why didn’t you tell me?”

Lily shrugged, “More important things, I suppose.” From there, they were silent a while.

Remus hummed a bit, the way Sirius did. “Are you still terrified?”

Lily nodded. “I’m going to kiss him anyway though. How about you?”

“Oh, I already kissed mine.” 

Lily’s eyes went wide, a familiar sight by now. “I’m sorry, and you didn’t tell me? When, where, why? Well no, we know why—I cannot believe you kept this from—”

Remus laughed. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. My deepest apologies. It’s not a big deal, it might not even mean anything, it was during the battle, we both thought we were about to die.”

Lily rolled her sharp green eyes to the heavens. “Remus Lupin, when are you going to stop making excuses for yourself?”

Remus blinked. He blinked again. Then he nodded, and they fell silent, everything necessary already said. 

After a while, Remus said, “Down in Terram, the river’s frozen over.”

Lily hummed. “Yep. They’ve moved all the animals in their barns and shut all the windows.”

Lily was wistful, for just a moment, and Remus saw it. He saw Lily growing up. He had seen Sirius stand on a table and speak for a rebellion no longer hopeless. He had seen James bring Peter, one of his closest friends, who he’d plotted a whole new kingdom with, to justice, and lock him in chains for his betrayal, all without so much as a word. And here, in this, he saw Lily give worth to something small, a town the size of a toenail. 

“I’m sorry you didn’t find the god at the top of the mountain,” he said finally.

Lily shrugged. “No trouble, I’ll just become my own god.”

So they sat on these palace steps and thought of their tiny band of young gods, grappling, over under each other, growing up like vines or ivy intertwining up the marble walls of the palace, ruling over the mountain. The god at the top of the mountain hid in the bit of air between Remus’ head and Lily’s shoulder, the sweat in the palms of Lily and James as they desperately grasped at each other’s hands and ran from the dark hearts, the heat in the meeting of Remus and Sirius’ lips. 

  


It was two days until Remus could catch Sirius at a free moment. Even when he did, his hair was frazzled and his eyes kept unfocusing, distracted thinking of things he had to do. He kept having to send away people knocking at his door.

They were in his bedroom, his old one. Sirius refused to move into the bedroom designated for the king. Although it was cold and exquisite along with the rest of the castle, it bore Sirius’ presence in small ways: notches on the bedframe, clothes on the floor, rumpled bedsheets. 

As soon as they’d walked in, Sirius had collapsed onto the carpet, spreading out like a star, eyes shut, exhausted. For the third time, someone knocked on the door, and for the third time, he sighed and rose to answer it. 

“I am taking an hour to meet privately with trusted royal advisor Remus Lupin, I’m sure your issue is very important but unfortunately it will have to wait, you may find me in the throne room later this evening.”

He shut the door, sighed, and collapsed on the ground again. 

“Trusted royal advisor, is that what I am to you?” Remus said with a small smile, raising one eyebrow. 

Sirius gave a tired laugh. “You’re a lot of things to me, Remus.”

Remus didn’t quite know what to say for that, so they were quiet for a while.

Finally, he said, “Shouldn’t James be dealing with all of this?”

Sirius opened his eyes. “He’s dealing with a lot of it, but some has to be handled by me. We have to replace huge amounts of the staff who were loyal to my mother immediately, and James and the other revolution leaders can find candidates, but ultimately only I have the power to appoint people to high positions. People keep asking me how we’re going to change the laws and coming to me with their pleas and arguments and only so many are willing to talk to James. I was hoping Regulus would be back by now.”

“So he could help?”

“So I could make him king.”

All of a sudden it hit Remus. The balance Sirius had found and struck, the plan he’d concocted and kept to himself, taking sole responsibility for. Regulus would have nearly as much legitimate claim to the throne as Sirius, equal if Sirius willingly gave it to him. And he would be just as capable and twice as respected. Sirius would be free from the crown, which would only be a burden to him, and the country would be well cared for in the hands of Regulus. Sirius had made sure he was safe but told nobody of the revolution in case he was targeted, or proved to be less trustworthy than Sirius gambled. Sirius was doing his best, doing what needed to be done until Regulus returned, but he had a long term plan in place. 

The morning he decided to find Regulus, Sirius had been up all night after the big fight with Remus. Remus had told him to take responsibility, make a plan of action for who should take the crown, find something to hope for. The next morning, he’d asked James to see Regulus. Sirius had kept his end of the deal. He really had. 

Remus rose from his spot at the end of the bed and laid down on the carpet next to Sirius. “I think I’m done being a coward.”

Sirius looked stared at him for a long time, stuck, then slowly, brought his hand up to trace Remus’ jaw.

“I think I am too,” he said.

So Remus leaned in to kiss him, in the daylight, the bravest way to kiss someone. When he pulled away, much later than intended, his cheeks were burning red. 

“I want to stick around, and I want to keep kissing you. I will likely also wish to do so tomorrow, and the day after that. Is that okay with you?”

Sirius nodded and kissed him again, before saying “yes” a word pulled out of his body despite it all. 

So for an hour they kissed on the carpet floor and blushed and laughed at how silly they’d been. It was a good hour, and for once, they were both as happy as they deserved to be. 

  
  
  


EPILOGUE

It was a golden sort of day, two months later, when Regulus returned. He snuck in, through the back door, because his body and mind had roughened and now he thought to do these things. He snuck into Sirius’ bedroom and waited for him there, and Sirius had never cried not once in his life until that day. Regulus told his story, how he had snuck away and travelled down the mountain, away from the danger, and run into a set of traders who called him Sirius. So Regulus took the name as a disguise and spent his days travelling with the traders, seeing the mountain and all of his kingdom. He spent his days working, as his people do, and drinking with them at the end of the day. And he’d liked it, he really had, but he was a big picture sort of man, he always had been, and he’d spent two months thinking of ways to improve the kingdom. He was more than ready to work.

Sirius re-introduced him to Remus, this time as his boyfriend. Regulus smiled wide, something that looked more natural on his face than it had before, and shook Remus’ hand, thanking him for his service, both in the battle and, in his words, “putting up with Sirius”. 

It was a golden sort of day, 3 years later, when James and Lily’s baby was born, a boy named Harry with James’ dark skin and wild hair, and Lily’s infamous green eyes. James held Lily’s hand through it all, just like he had in the battle. Sirius could not stop beaming at his new godson, and Remus’ voice shook as he whispered to the newborn child, “Hello Harry, I’m your Uncle Remus.”

When Remus overheard James whispering to Harry, promising to protect him until the day he died, Remus knew he was good for his word. 

It was a golden sort of day, 5 years later, when Remus and Sirius met at an altar. Regulus, by then the beloved king, officiated the service and pronounced them bound for life, husband and husband. James stood by as the best man and wept without shame. Lily ran around as the maid of honor and ensured everything is perfect, nothing less for her best friend. Little Harry toddled down the aisle as the ring bearer. They ate cake and danced all night, because they had been brave enough to choose each other every day for 5 years, and now they had been brave enough to promise each other every day remaining. Because they were in love, and they deserved every joy the world had to offer. 

So they danced, and they laughed and drank with their friends, celebrating love and the kingdom they’d built on equality so that now even in Terram no family wanted for a cold medicine. The king was good, new life was beginning, love had won and hope ran wild.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am vaguely tempted to write more in this universe, I've been vibing with established relationship recently and I love this world, there's a lot more I could do with it, but I also have like 8 other wips so like. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ if I do it'll be a separate work as part of a series, not another chapter. 
> 
> I hope you liked it! This fic has a lot of me in it, Sirius growing from the homophobia in his past, the ride or die friendships, uhh if you can't tell, towards the beginning of writing this fic I was in an intense "will we, won't we" thing that was driving me insane. I hope you find something in it you identify with and that it gives you the strength to fight for what you want, and give your hopelessness a swift punch in the face.


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